Datetiquette 

Arlene Ayirah 

Am surprised at myself that am about to give insight on how a proper date should be like yet I have not actually had something I would classify as a proper date. All the same I will share what I learnt about proper dating manners

So a few friends gave me their views about what they feel a good date should be like and I will share some of what they gave. Many thanks to them Judith Flora, Shax Pius, Godfrey Everest, Violet Msola and Neema Kihundwa. Thank you guys for your input. 

When it comes to asking someone on a date, it is advisable for the man to take an initiative and ask the girl out. This is because when the man does, it adds a lot of mystrery to the whole experience. It also makes the chase more interesting.

First off, there’s an aspect of time keeping. If you are going to meet someone on a date, it is important to keep time. Most especially it is not good to keep a lady waiting. Also ladies, make sure to keep time so that you ensure you have quality time to spend. In case you are going to run late, let your partner know. That’s being thoughtful and courteous.

Once you arrive at your date location,there are a lot of dynamics involved.  When it comes to food, this is what I learnt should be the case.  Idealy the man is supposed to pay the bill. So with this is mind the lady should make her order first. The reason for this is because…lets say you have 3000 to spend for the meal, you should allow the girl to order first for what she wants to eat so that you as the man can know what to order for, that will fall in the range of what you have in your pocket. Also, in the communication in between the date, ensure that you pass the correct message to one another. Avoid having personal conversations about some personal stuff. Get to know one another, learn each others character, the deeper level of communication should come after you have already decided to take your date to a next level of having a long term relationship. Note that in any form of communication 20% is in what you actually say and the other 80% is in your body language. 

A habit that should be avoided in a date is using your cell phone. It speaks volumes when you use your phone on a date. It shows that you are rude and you don’t treasure the time you have with your date. It’s better to switch off your phone or put it on airplane mode. In terms of dressing, it’s important to look presentable, descent and classy all together. Do not overdress, avoid too much make up, do not wear something that makes you uncomfortable. If it is at night ensure you are warm enough too. If you overdo your outfit it makes you look desperate,cheap and it appears as if you are trying too hard. 

Lastly, a tip for the men. When you make a girl laugh on your first date you have a bonus.  It’s so nice when a man has a sense of humour that is not offensive. When a man is funny, it makes the whole date pleasant and many times, it earns you a second date. 

Also a date doesn’t have to be at an expensive place. As long as it is calm, beautiful, not crowded and with good food  it is good to go. Do not be put under pressure to impress the lady by taking her to an expensive place which she may not even like. Most times simple is the best way to go.  

Am sure there are many more dynamics about how to conduct yourself on a date.   Why don’t you share some of them on the comment box. Like the piece too and share it with your friends. Thank you for taking time to read my article today. 

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Abide My Heart, Abide. 

Arlene Ayirah

Todays piece should just challenge you and I to go back to the drawing board and make sure we are on the right track as far as our personal relationship with God is concerned. 

Take this example for instance where it is planting season and a farmer gets working and plants his crops. What is it that causes other plants to yield successfully and others die along the way. The answer is simple…the dead plants failed to abide.  Am sure you are wondering what abiding has to do with growth of plants. Let’s take this journey together. 

Today the word abide for me will mean enduring, lasting, persisting, lifelong, continuing, remaining, surviving. Many times we are all placed in an environment that is conducive for growth and development. But for some reason others do not grow. They stay in the same condition despite the very essential conditions. It is because we have no root system from which we can draw our nourishment from. We refuse to abide by the conditions that we are exposed to and choose to wait for growth to happen just like that. 

The health of anything-in this case our relationship with God is a reflection of what is going on or not going on underground. The only way to successfully have God as our Ultimate Priority is to ensure we develop a root system that is anchored in Him. This should happen away from the public domain when it’s just you and the Lord. This way we draw from Him all that we require for the abundant life He promised us in John 10:10.

Let’s delv deeper into the Roots and it’s functionality in our walk with the Lord.  

1. Roots are unseen.                                     Our spiritual life is a manifestation of what we do in the secret place.  When nobody is watching,when it’s just you and the Lord. It is important that we ensure that what others see on the outside is a reflection of what goes on in private between us and God. The greater time you spend in the secret place with God,the greater impact, effectiveness and relevance your outside is. The impact of our ministry is directly proportional to the time we spend with God.  For our roots to grow deep in Him, God calls us away from the world. So we can be real with Him. 

2. Roots are for taking in.                        Every second we choose to spend time with God, we expose ourselves to a learning environment. He supplies us so that our hearts are constantly in pursuit of His ways.  A great writer, Elizabeth George calls this process The Great Exchange. This is where you give God your baggage and He replaces it with strength, weakness for power,  sadness for joy, problems for solutions, burdens for freedom,questions for answers.  You can name everything else. But this is where you give up you and let God be Him for you. It’s very important even after we have made plans for our lives to set time apart for God to put into perspective and empower His word in our plans. This way we have exchanged our needs for God’s supply. 

3. Roots are for storage.                              The moment we have tapped from God we receive enough to carry us through out times of turmoil. We will faithfully deliver despite our times of drought. We will be able to produce fruit in and out of season. Constantly drawing from God creates in us a reservoir from which we can always depend on.  When our roots are deep in God, all we have to do is reach out and pick what He has already put in us and exercise it for that season.  

4. Roots are for support.                          Without a well developed root system it is easy for us to be swept away or blown away by every wind that comes.  But as long as we have a strong root connection we can stand out everytime a wind blows. When others are bowing to the world, you are able to stand tall and proclaim God in every situation.  

Maybe you are thinking within yourself how to be able to accomplish all this. It’s simple… Decide. Do you want God or not. If you do then realize that all relationships require work and communication. With this understanding then you shouldn’t struggle to do what is required of you as a child of God. A few steps maybe to give you an idea of how to abide and have a deep root connection with the Lord.

First of all you must develop the habit of drawing near to God. The same way you wake up and freshen up everyday before school or work is the same way you must set time aside to switch to heavenly frequency. Despite all our busy lives somehow we always find time to chat our friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, parents and all other important people to us.  How much more should we strive to spend time with God. It may not be easy but thats the measure of love you must have to always be in contact with God. It is a deliberate choice that has to come from your heart. 

Second you could design a personal time for communing with God. The same way you always have time to go to the gym everyday or go for your morning run is the same way you must intentionally plan to come to God. It doesn’t have to be in the synagogue or church. Select a time that matches your lifestyle, let’s say that lunch break at work, that hour when the baby finally goes to bed or that time you are stuck on traffic. It could be any time of the day really. Then decide where you meet the Lord. Is it in your prayer closet, is it at the study table, is in your living room.  Wherever you choose as long as it is a place you move to, that has no distractions. It doesn’t matter really,just make a specific spot your place to meet with the Lord. Take with you all material you need for your time with God. Your journal, your Bible, maybe a box of tissue, your music playlist,your CD with a sermon. Whatever learning aids you need, carry them all.  

Another important thing to propel you to have a better walk with God is to dream it. Hold that thought. Don’t try disqualify dreaming because you feel it’s not enough to dream.  This is what I mean.  When you have a motivation to pursue God it puts you in a position to keep going so you can achieve what you want. Have a picture in mind of what you want to see in your salvation life at the end of the year and work towards making sure your relationship with God is exactly where you want by that specific time frame. This will motivate you to work towards your dream.  

I leave you with this challenge. God will only take you as far as you want to go and as fast as you are willing to move. When God calls us to go and reason together with Him this is probably one of those things we should be reasoning out. Set your pace and God shall flow along with you and moderate you when you move to fast or too slow. He will act as your thermostat or regulator.

Guys I sincerely  hope today’s piece challenges you as much as it challenged me.  Let’s make our lives stable in the Lord. Thank you for taking time to read. Please like the article, leave a comment and tell me more about how we can have a fruitful and successful walk with God.  Then you can also share with others. Let’s get as much information out there. They say information is power so let’s get ourselves the power and pass it on to others. 

A Heart of Pursuing God.

Arlene Ayirah.

I woke up today feeling a little unusual and I realized it was because of something I had resolved to do last night.  I put on my garment of thanksgiving and I got myself going through a lot of helpful material that I thought would be nice to share. 

Today’s piece is not the normal kinds of boy girl relationships but it’s far much better.  It’s about the only relationship in our lives that count(well this will only make sense to those who are born again and are out to live their lives for God.)

Today I want us to place our hearts right with God and learn to endeavour to follow after the heart of God. 

Life is all about choosing the things that matter most and those that cannot be taken away from us. It is about standing tall, as different as you are and choosing to be the one who picks the decision that many may not understand because you are following after God and what He desires for you. Take Luke 10:38-42…the story of Martha and Mary where how Martha got upset because Mary sat at the feet of Jesus other than helping her prepare a meal for Jesus. Having a delicious meal for Christ was a great thing. In fact it was going to be so bad if the two hosts had very bad food for Jesus to eat. But Mary at that particular moment discerned the season and time, and chose to sit at the feet of Jesus so she could chew on spiritual food that would last her a lifetime.  When you make choices that upraise God,he makes them count at the end of it all. 

Many times we are faced by very big challenges that really weigh us down. I have had times where I felt like being a follower of Christ was the worst decision I ever made but guess what, it didn’t move God. It didn’t change who God says He is.  It’s very important for you and me as believers to learn to face life and it’s challenges with a heart full of devotion to God. Because no matter what situation you are in,as long as you are alive, your life counts and it counts in a very huge way.  

We must develop an art of discerning times and what is required of us by God. Set our priorities right as far as the things of God are concerned and make choices that will count. Let us not be busy following our routines or doing things for God that we forget to actually spend time with Him. Choosing God and His ways deepens our devotion to Him. 

You may ask yourself, am a busy person,i have a job, I have school work to do,am a pastors kid I have responsibilities in church and all other important things that need your attention.  How then are you able to know where to place your priorities and how to actually be available every time God needs your attention.  The following guidelines might help.

  • Choose God’s way every opportunity you get. 

Read proverbs 3:6 and you will see that there is a double entry relationship between us and God as far as our roles are concerned. Our part as His children is to acknowledge God every time and His part is to direct our paths. Take this example for instance, when you are going about your daily routine and your colleague says or does something nasty to you, what should your reaction be.  Stop, think and check in with God.  Ask Him what He expects of you in that moment. He in return will direct your path.  That response therefore will be exactly what you need to remain sober and exude the character of God.

  • Commit yourself to God daily.

We must make a deliberate decision to offer God a fresh commitment everyday.  This will strengthen our devotion to Him. We cannot ride on stale commitment. It is exhausting to try and operate on a level that has been passed by time. It is like trying to start a fire using friction method yet we now have match sticks to use. Commitment then requires us to verbally tell God that we surrender everything about us to Him. When I say everything I mean everything, every aspect of our lives withholding nothing at all. God is ready to assume full responsibility for the life that is wholly yielded to Him. This kind of thing refreshes your strength and zeal to go after God. 

  • Cultivate a hot heart for the things of God. 

Having a do or die attitude as far as the things of God are concerned is necessary. In Revelation 3:15-16 we are warned against being lukewarm Christians. To fully be in pursuit of God we must not mind the norms and do what we know counts in the Kingdom. Ensure that the fire of God in you is evident and it affects those around you.  A good friend of mine Charles Arnold is particularly very cautious about being Hot for God.  He doesn’t do anything halfway. If he is asked to pray He prays as if it is the last time. He reminds me everyday that being lukewarm for a believer is never an option.  One thing he said one time that really got my attention was this… “you cannot blame anyone for failing to be a person of impact. ” this reminded me that to be a person of influence, I have to purpose to be Hot for God and do all I can to diligently follow after God and what He wants. You can either be hot or cold. Choose God and tirelessly follow Him or choose to be unaware or unconscious of God and stay that way.  But do not be in between.  Being lukewarm is being indifferent towards God and this will cause Him to vomit you. 

I hope you learnt something from this piece. Like, leave a comment and share with other believes who want to pursuit God and have a fruitful encounter with Him everyday.  

     

Understanding Your Relationship.

Arlene Ayirah.

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Hello my people. Its been a month since I last posted.I have missed you all and I hope you have been doing great.Am here today with this topic of how we can understand and manage our relationships.I hope it will be a great help to you and me as well.
I first of all want you to have this basic information even before we delve deeper into this topic.My relationship can never be the same as yours or someone elses. Even if you have similar characteristics with your sister or brother your relationships can never have the same flow or progression. I say this so that you can stop comparing your relationship to that of someone else. Each relationship is unique and has been modeled in its own special way. So the way to handle relationships and its issues can vary depending on what you have with your special someone.
Let me use a few examples that are common and can be major setbacks in our relationships if not properly handled.Having the access or passwords to your partners phone,social media platforms and maybe computer.People normally want to do this so they can keep tabs on their boyfriend or girlfriend.So they can know who they talk to or if they are cheating on them.I know people who totally have no problem giving their partners access to their phones.Many say it is because they have nothing to hide.Truth is having your partners password will not stop them from cheating on you.If anything is may cause a lot of drama for your relationship.I stand to be corrected but i think this issue mostly affects the ladies.Just because your bff has the password to her mans phone should not push you to start frustrating your man for his password.
I even noticed that at times when you have the password it causes more trouble than good.Men,there is this phrase you use”am trying to protect you”.Sometimes the ladies do not need this protection you are talking about,they just want an assurance that you will hang on and fight for your relationship despite other women who may come in your life.So if you really cant give your password give them no reason to doubt your love and affection.
Another common issue is about the dating dynamics.”My friend went to Villa Rosa Kempinski for dinner so you should take me there as well”.It doesn’t work like that my friend.Every couple has a thing they do.If Kempinski is not yours please do not push it.Men have a way of making KFC feel like Villa Rosa.You may be shocked that even Villa Rosa may not put a smile on your face and make you feel like a princess.Get me right please.Am not saying Villa Rosa is a bad idea am simply asking us to stick to our lane and do the adventures we can very well take,enjoy and afford.Do not try to do things other people do thinking that your relationship will be better.
It goes all the way to how we solve problems or conflict in our relationships.Some men will buy their ladies a rose as a way of apologizing, others will prefer to sit and talk the problem over without any material gift involved.It doesn’t mean he loves you less because he did not bring flowers or a bar of chocolates.It just reminds you of how unique or special your relationship is from others.
When you have a working relationship with God,it helps you to see your partner as God sees him or her.It all narrows down to how you and your Father relate.We have to work so hard to have a relationship with God that not only exists but one that functions.When we pray,we speak to God. He wants to here from us He wants us to have communication.Meditation on His word keeps in our hearts the desires of the Lord for our lives. We stick to what He wants from us because we are constantly thinking about what He says about us.When we want to hear from God, then we ought to study His word and have information about Him,ourselves and what He says about us.With these,we can channel the same principles to our love lives and have great relationships and progressively good working marriages.
Therefore,it is very vital for everyone in a working relationship to learn what their partners are and do everything they can to nurture who they are not try to change them into a man or woman they have created in their minds or fantasies.You need to see your man or woman for who he or she is.This will go a long way in protecting,keeping and growing your relationship.I notice men love women who love them for who they are not try to change how them.They feel like Kings.So ladies if you want to feel like a queen make sure you are treating him like a King.
Thank you for reading today’s piece i hope you enjoyed and learnt a thing or two.I still have plans to host our power couple Diana Haddasah and Felix Mureithi in other words, Mr and Mrs Mureithi, so be expectant i assure you it will be worth the wait.Please share your comments about today’s topic.Any information that will be helpful to this topic is very welcome.Take care of yourselves and your phones because without you,there is no Yadahlife. Thank you for reading my blog I truly from the bottom of my heart appreciate you.

Babe,We Need A Break…

Arlene Ayirah

BREAK

Hey guys. Hope you have been doing great. Am good, needed a break to deal with a few things. Before we can get into our topic today I wanted to congratulate a friend of mine for posting his first article. Dennis Njage Munene. You did an amazing first article. Please read his articles and encourage him to write because I know he has a lot of great wisdom to share.
Today am writing this blog with a friend of mine Caroline Gathoni Muriuki aka Yellow. I give you all permission to call her yellow because of her extremely light color. We are going to share about the most feared aspect of any relationship. The time when one person in the relationship needs a break for one reason or another. The major challenge rises when one party does not agree to this. Reason being they necessarily don’t see the reason why the break is needed and on their part they feel that they are doing everything right for the relationship to blossom.
Most times the break issue arises when the relationship is moving too fast for one person. The pace of every relationship if not monitored and agreed upon can be a big issue for the people involved. It at times becomes scary and that is why some people may feel that a break is the best option.
How then do we deal with it when it comes. Truth is, I don’t have a formulae to solving this issue. But i do know that it is important to be on the same page for sober relationship to prevail. I believe that it is the best interest for both parties in the relationship to grant the break when it is asked for. However, you need to understand if it is indeed a break or a way out the relationship.
Love is a two way traffic. When one side flows and the other lane is stuck, then the flow is disrupted. A break gives the chance for one to see or realize who is violating the rules. For many relationships especially those started in a rush,a break might be necessary before you get too far.Before getting to a serious commitment you have to know at least 80% of the other person.So if you are in a relationship where a simple thing such as communication is not free-flow then you might need that break. Who didn’t hit the break when the green light flickered? Who switched to the other lane? Time to reflect can get you these answers.
In other cases one party in a relationship is normally looking for an escape route. Sometimes they have found another more interesting person and want to leave you for them. How will you know? Well often than not, there are usually a few signs. They don’t keep in touch as they used to,  they don’t give you the same attention they used to, they always have an excuse not to meet up, your calls or texts become an irritation to them and sometimes they keep talking about this new friend they met. Be cautious this friend may just be the reason for your break. In this case,I would advise that the party not interested should just lay the cards on the table and be honest. Let your partner know that you are no longer interested in the relationship. I think it is better to deal with a truth than to hold on to false hope of getting back together. As I always say, there is no good way to break bad news. It will still hurt. The humane thing to do is to put everything in the open and allow the events to unfold.
If you did not orchestrate the break in the relationship, please do not victimize the person who asked for it. It is mature for you to find out why he or she needed that break and see what you can do to facilitate a great transition even as you both take time to figure yourselves out. Do not give yourself a pat on the back thinking you did everything right and a break is not what you rightly deserved because the world doesn’t always give us what we deserve. We are made perfect in our mistakes so don’t be self righteous and judge your partner for needing the break. You were loved, not because you were perfect but because your partner could stomach your weaknesses.
A break is not necessarily a break up so let us learn to differentiate the two and give the proper treatment for each scenario. Caroline, Thank you for your input and wisdom am sure our readers have learnt a thing or two.
Coming soon is an article about a power couple who got married last month. We will get their perspective of Love and learn a few things from them. I am also looking forward to this amazing story where MUSIC MET LOVE.
Please share this piece with your friends, give it a thumbs up and share your comments and opinions about this topic. Until next time do have yourself a wonderful time in the Lord. God increase and keep you.

Why We Make The Same Mistakes.

Arlene Ayirah
zzzz

Hello everyone. I am back after a break with this article that has eaten me up for a while. Am still talking about relationships so tune your mind in that perspective. Have you dated a guy or girl who totally messed you up or wasted you and you made a promise to yourself to never make the same mistake another time. Well I bet most of us have. We have told ourselves before, I will never allow myself to get into this position ever again. Funny thing is that, you actually get there many times and just when you have built yourself, you meet someone who just makes u go bananas and before you know it, you are back where you started.
I would have you know that all of us have a type. By type I mean, we attract or are attracted to men or women with almost similar personalities. In that, you would date a men or women with at least one similar trait. That is why with time you realize your breakups or fights with these dates are almost similar, hence the phrase, men/women are all the same.
I feel a little overwhelmed writing about this because my thoughts are all over the place. So let me start from wherever my heart goes first. We make the same mistakes twice or more than twice because we do not want to see the truth and reality of things. Even when you know that this guy or girl is not good for you somehow you still convince yourself that it might work. It is very okay to trust your instincts. They don’t happen by chance because within you, you always know when something is not going to work out, you just chose to ignore that feeling.
We make the same mistakes because we have lost touch with ourselves. You stay single for such a long time and one guy shows interest in you and vwalaa you forget everything you have ever stood for. It is important to be in touch with your heart, your emotions and your principles. It doesn’t mean you will not feel tempted to live in the moment and enjoy every passing minute, it just means you are going to trust yourself enough to hold on until your other half shows up. Keeping in touch here is simply not losing connection with your convictions and beliefs. Going with them all the way.
Making a wrong move once is okay, but making the same wrong move over and over is just wrong. We must make a deliberate choice to have a standards far as our love life is concerned and stick to it. We must not settle for anything else only because we want to fit in with our peers. We must allow ourselves be happy with or without a man. I’d rather you be single and happy than be in a relationship that drains you. I have been a victim of making mistakes over and over but just knowing this will not help me. It is not enough to be aware of my weaknesses. It’s enough to work on myself and uphold myself in better regard which will allow me progress and not stay at the same spot.

Preparedness For Dating

arlene

Hello people its been a while since I posted. Was trying to cook something in the background for us all. Today I want us to answer a fundamental question that people ask every time.The question I want to address is this, what is the right time to date? First of all I want us to get rid of the stereotype that one can only date in their twenties or rather in a particular age group. The right time is not about age but rather its more about the state of mind. It is about the maturity of an individual in all aspects.

Being in a relationship is not about age because if it were, there would be no 40 year old women and men who are single. The right time to date is when you have come to total realization of yourself, a point where you have fallen in love with yourself flaws and all. It is when you have discovered your purpose and all that you are doing is inclined to achieving this purpose. The right time is when you stop being selfish…when you stop thinking of yourself and begin accommodating another person. The right time to get into a relationship is when you have emotionally understood what you want and the willingness to work towards preparing yourself in the same way you are hoping the partner you will have prepares himself or herself.

Dating is fun i bet, but it requires work. It requires effort. If you are to relate with someone,then you have to ensure that you put in a lot of investments in place for the success of your relationship. You have to invest your time for this person. Even when you are so tied up, it is important to spare some time to spend with your partner. You need to completely forget about the “I” factor and start getting used to the “We”. There is no specific time when one can say that this is the right time to date. It is all dependent on personal maturity. Also note that, you cannot force yourself to be ready. Its the same way you cannot force your teeth to grow. It is a natural process that takes place at its own time.

When you realize you are becoming interested in having a relationships, it is wise to equip yourself. This can be done by reading books about successful relationships. You can source material from all around and build yourself. Make yourself the person that will be attractive. Make yourself presentable and legible for the person you hope to date.

Am sure some of you were looking forward to the part 2 of sexuality article. Don’t you worry it will be here shortly. Keep your comments coming they are so much appreciated. Thank you for being a blessing by reading my pieces this far.