Hey there, I hope you are doing great and that God is making Himself manifest in your life everyday. I also do hope that your communion with our Lord is solid because we were created for this purpose – to commune with the Father,for relationship with Him. Even as we keep talking about relationships I would have you know that your relationship with God is the most important. So make sure it’s at its best.
So today I want us to talk about a matter that I have come to realize is being reversed in this modern society as far as relationships are concerned. I would like to throw a question, do you think it’s alright for a girl to ask a guy out? What am basically asking is whose job is it between a man and woman to pursue the other in dating courtship and eventually getting to marriage?And what are some of the things that we must know in order to pursue right and be pursued right.
Before I can share my mind I would like to include answers I received from a few friends who are very sober in matters relationship and dating. Do pay attention to the things they will say about this matter and I will add thoughts of my own to conclude this topic.
In today’s world, women don’t like being approached by people who notice there outward features. They would love to be appreciated for their personality and that means you must get to know them better. It is considered lustful when a guy begins describing a lady with her physical features.
Again ladies should also not entertain guys, I mean “creating a conducive environment for being proposed to” then turn down the offer. How do ladies do that? Always calling to know how the guy is and in essence there’s nothing much to be said, being in constant communication : good mornings, nice lunches, good nights and chatting the whole day saying nothing.
Pursuit in my opinion should be with understanding, that is in the first place why are you approaching the Lady? If you have no intention with her whatsoever it’s better to stay on the friend zone. Guys should stop buying gifts and showing special attention to ladies if they have no intention.
Out of 100% of men, About 70% of them will throw hints and all. (I saw you I liked you but kept it to themselves.) They will not ask you out directly and state their intentions for you. 25% will be bold enough to approach a lady and say what they want. Out of the 25% about 20% are players. They are very good talkers, smooth, great looks, money or something to get ladies but are not willing to commit. They are bold. That’s because there’s nowhere it’s all headed. It’s all just a game for them and because time is a revealer of motives, when a lady is difficult for a while they give up and go.
Genuine men don’t give up till they get you. They hunt you down. They take time. They are interested in the little things about you. What makes her mad? What’s her favourite dish? They truly give time to know you.
ACCORDING TO GENESIS 29:1-14.
THE STORY OF JACOB AND RACHAEL –IN THEIR OWN WORDS.
Kindly study this scriptures in depth and realize how Jacob and Rachael were in pursuit of God’s affairs when they met and eventually got married.
“I was still overwhelmed from my experience at Bethel. What an encounter!. So far it was the highlight of my journey. I now knew what th presence of God was and I was indeed thankful for the covenant that The Lord had made with me. And now my journey has brought me to the land of the people of the East. I knew my uncle Laban lived somewhere around there. I wanted to find Him, for this was my father Isaac’s instructions. So I came to a field which had a well. There were shepherds with their sheep and it was about noon. So I went over to ask them where they were from. They were from Haran. They even knew Laban my uncle. They mentioned that one of Laban’s daughter was coming to water her father’s sheep. I inquired with concern why they had not started watering the sheep yet. As I inquired, Rachael arrived! She was beautiful! But I knew that she had not been idling around waiting for me to charm her into my arms because she had some sheep with her. I had to sober up! She was a shepherdess and she cared about her father’s sheep. The best I could do was to contribute to her purpose and see her for the responsible shepherdess she was. I rolled the stone away and watered the sheep so that I may help her accomplish her mandate as per her father’s will. After that I kissed her to show my affection for also, she is a woman. I introduced myself and I let her know we were from the same family. She then ran off to her father. This didn’t bother me because my destination was to her father’s house anyway”.
Dear men of the 21st century, I narrate this to teach you the following:
- You only find the right woman when in your pursuit of your Heavenly fathers will.
- The right woman is not the one waiting for you! She is engaging in her purpose as per her father’s will.
- A bethel encounter is highly recommended before thinking of marriage.
- The right woman will trust and love her Heavenly Father more than she does to you.
“It was high day. It would have been pleasurable to engage in my own activities, but I had to be faithful to my father Laban. For I love him. I had to take the sheep for watering, for I know this is what he wanted me to do and it would please him. So off I went, leading my father’s sheep, the sheep He designated for me to look after, seeking and wanting nothing else but to accomplish that which my father has given to me as a responsibility. I arrived at the fields where the well was. My fellow shepherds were there waiting for all the sheep to gather so that we can water them but I also met them speaking to a strange man I had not seen him before. He looked at me and I could tell that he observed the sheep I had come with. He rolled away the stone that covered the well and watered my father’s sheep. He cared about the responsibility I had in my father’s house and his first action was not to respond to my beauty and try to charm me. Instead, He saw something more. He saw PURPOSE, my responsibility and he gave himself to partner with me and help me do that which was my purpose. Then after that he sincerely showed me affection; I think he even wept! He introduced himself and proclaimed to me the family he belonged and we had a connection in our identity. Immediately, I ran to my father after all this man Jacob, was worth talking about to my father.
Dear sisters of the 21st century, I narrate this to teach you the following;
- Don’t receive a man because He pursued you. Receive him because your heavenly father approves him.
- Don’t be idle desiring a husband and waiting. Take responsibilities in your father’s house and engage in purpose. Let your PURPOSE be so evident in your life than your beautiful smile.
- Receive the man who carries your heavenly fathers “DNA”.
“Therefore ( For this cause) a man shall leave his Father and mother and shall Cleave to his wife and the two shall become one Flesh”
The heart of Kingdom marriage is found in these two words: Leave and Cleave. That’s the heartbeat of Kingdom marriage.
In every culture, and every social setting, the woman always feels a sense of significance when she is “pursued”
Every woman loves that special feeling of being wanted. It appears that by law of nature, females are to be pursued.
The female always wants the male to pursue her and prove worthy. Women love that feeling of being pursued, it makes them special.
Reason with me:
The Hebrew word translated “N” in genesis 2:24 is the word “dabaq”. This is a very interesting word and based on this context, it can accurately be translated as
- To be glued permanently
- To pursue
- To follow closely
- To unite tightly
- To adhere to
- To constantly chase
Interesting right? The man ought to pursue the woman. it’s divine order. The woman in all cultures of human history has always waited to be pursued.
The bible is consistent with this idea, that’s why you find scripture like “he who finds a wife” meaning he actually actively searches or pursues.
It’s same explanation for why the greatest female need in context of marriage is affection, not respect. ( Am not saying women don’t need respect, in fact a woman interpretes respect through affection).
Intimacy wears off when men stop pursuing their wives, this is consistent with scripture. The word cleave, can mean, continually and constantly pursue. This is extremely important to understand.
And notice, it’s the man that does the leaving and cleaving. ( I won’t get to details of the significance of this) but it’s special attribute to women to be pursued. Men love to conquer women love to connect. Let me leave it at that.
Now, here is another truth by same principle: women in the context of marrriage were supposed to respond to a proposal, not a compliment or a suggestion.
A compliment or a suggestion Is not a proposal. A proposal is an official and well articulated invitation to the woman with specific intention of marriage. That’s beyond what you make the man feel based on how beautiful you are.
In the context of dating, which by now you know is more cultural than it is scriptural, the woman is supposed to enter a relationship with man who has communicated his intentions in an emphatic and articulate manner.
The man needs to rise to the occasion and state his intentions. otherwise, he is not worthy of any chance or opportunity to pursue a woman. Dear Kingdom woman, do not respond to a compliment or a suggestion, respond to a proposal.
The relationship and pain that some women have dealt with is simply they responded to a compliment or a suggestion,the problem with this kind of response is that you are giving your life to someone who has no intentions to pursue you, and therefore has no plans to cleave to you.
Respond to a proposal and begin the journey of being pursued, while for the man: Don’t give a proposal if you are not ready to pursue by biblical standards. Unless you understand leave and Cleave, you are not ready to propose.
Friends, from all this information shared here we can clearly see and understand that the nature of man in a relationship is to engage with God at a place of purpose and pursue a woman in line with God’s mandate for both their lives.
I get that in the world today a lot has been said and done to change this standard, as far as dating is concerned and as result the beauty of relating has been ruined. It’s like an endless disaster.
Being excited about a boy you like is not enough to decide that they are the one for you. You’ve got to ask yourself very vital questions like, what’s their purpose, who are they submitted to, is he pursuing you, why is he pursuing you, what’s his real intention. If you fail to answer these questions then you put yourself at a vulnerable position.
Ladies you were created to be pursued and not to pursue. You see when a man chases you, for him that is an investment and so he treasures you the more because it costed him some effort to get you. If you initiate the relationship all that may happen is that a man may feel flattered and even imagine it’s his lucky day but because it was not his idea he will be non committal. I hate to burst your bubble but when a man is not calling you, checking on you, texting you, or even trying to reach out and set up something it’s pretty simple, he is just not interested.
The best you can do as a woman is to reciprocate what he does or says. Keep him comfortable and also on edge at the same time. Make him feel good about himself and the choices he has made concerning your friendship. You will be surprised how thoughtful a man can be if you just let him seat on the drivers seat.
And my dear brothers, be intentional about where your relationship with a lady stands. Do not lead her on if you do not intend to go all the way. We ladies have a tendency of sometimes reading into the little things you do. Do not engage a woman’s emotions if you know you are not willing to hold them together by her side. I would love for men to be delibarate about pursuing a woman of their choice from a point of understanding and genuine interest and not to test the waters.
I leave you with this, As we look to date well and marry well I would love for you to consider hard your individual relationship with God. Is God your ultimate source, do you love Him and are you willing to do His will even if it costs you. This is a golden rule that will set the pace for every good relationship in your life.
I would like to appreciate Jael, Moz, Benjamin and Cliff for your immense contribution to this article. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with these lovely men and women who are determined to do life God’s way. I appreciate your input and I sure do hope we can do this again.
If you have a question or comment feel free to leave it in the comment box. Also share this with your friends and family. Let them know there is hope and if we do this the God way we are not going to fail. Like the piece and keep communing with God. Be authentic, be yourself and let’s keep God as our standard. I love you and God bless you.