Category Archives: Relationships

Dear Dads

Arlene Ayirah

Hello beloved of God. It is my sincere hope that you are doing well. Before I can delve into today’s matter allow me to say a prayer over your life. I have come to realize that as long as we are here on earth, connecting to our father is very important.  Lord I thank you for this faithful sons and daughters who love you. I pray that your peace, joy, grace,abundance and love shall be their potion in Jesus name. I ask that you continue to guide us and allow us to manifest what you have planted in us and allow us to walk in fullness of the power within us. Holy Spirit guide us, teach us and help us to do the will of the Father. In Jesus name I pray Amen.  Thank you for believing with me and I declare that it is well with you.

So today I want to speak to us about something that’s more of a personal experience. I won’t share much about the personal details but I hope you can connect to the lessons we shall share. My heart today, is to talk about fathers and the kind of impact they have on their children regardless of their gender. I don’t know how many fathers will read this but I sure hope I can reach out to a people who are yet to get into that phrase because preparation is key for them.  

As we begin I want you to think about the life of Jesus and the number of times He referred to God as a Father. He even tells us in Mathew 6:9 that as we pray we can address God as Our Father.  I find this very exciting and again I want to know why God wants so much to be a Father to me despite the fact that He gave me parents here on earth. The role of our parents is to be a representation of God here on earth. It may be unfortunate if some of our parents do not know the Lord and as a result have done or not done things “perfect” parents should do. Our mandate as children should always be to honor them even if we feel otherwise. Honoring our parents is equally honoring God who gave us these parents.  

Now when I think about our daddy relationships, this is what I have come to understand. The essence of fatherhood is a broad unfolding of different roles,abilities and graces. Fatherhood does not lie in one’s ability to make a child. We have so many men who have fathered children but are not necessarily playing the role of a father in the lives of these children. 
I want you to understand that the fatherhood of God is not limited to only what He can be or give when you call on Him. His fatherhood is a perfect kind. Whatever you need Him to be in the office of fatherhood He is. Therefore it is so wrong for you to see God the same way you see your dad especially if your dad has not been good to you. The love of God is perfect and it never fails. This then tells us that fathers should love their children and be the best version and example to them, so that the picture of the God is in agreement with that of the dad. 

I had a conversation with a good friend of mine who shared his heart about this matter and he made me understand fatherhood in a man’s perspective. When we look at it from a Kingdom perspective, a father is viewed as a source, a covering, a protector and even a mentor. And if you look at it closely, this is what God is to man. Therefore a father (man of the house) succeeds the role of God in His family as a unit in the society. He has to lead his family with the intention of doing what God would do if He was physically present in that family.  

It’s important to know that this is God’s order of things as far as fatherhood is concerned and so a father is an office of authority based on assignment from God. Therefore someone is not necessarily a father to you because he biologically bore you alone, but because it’s God’s ordinance as well. A father stands in the place of God.

When it comes to a father’s relationship with his children, having all this in mind is very fundamental. It should begin from this perspective. His role involves forgiving, teaching, training, blessing, raising, protecting, guiding, correcting, loving and being a covering. This seems like a lot to offer but believe me it’s very doable especially if you trust God with your family.

Dads you should know that the way you treat your children affects how and what they think of themselves and other people. It  forms a social perspective for them. A father is important to a daughter because he sets precedence for other men in his daughter’s life and also what to look for in a man. 

When dealing with the daughters, the love of a father is so important and necessary. It allows the girl to understand men and form a perception thereafter about who men are. For example if a father gets home drunk, beats up his wife, is abusive and speaks negative things to his children, the daughters in that home will always think that men are all like that and may even conclude never to get married because they don’t want that kind of life. For many it forces them to go through a healing process so that they can begin to see men in a better light. And if a father is present, loving, cares and provides well for his family, daughters therefore believe that they should be able to find a man almost like her father. Even if the father had shortcomings, the good will always be what the child remembers. 

When we come to the sons, fathers literally make their sons and breed them into the man they become in future. If a father is too brutal, a son may either think that that’s how matters should be handled or may become extremely rebellious and disrespectful to his father. The boy child most times becomes a spitting image of his father in terms of character. You notice that sons take up small habits as a result of spending time with their dads and so it’s important for dad’s to be great examples to their boys. 

Therefore fatherhood should be based on purpose and destiny. A dad ought to know the mind of God for his children and help empliment it alongside the mother. He should be involved in taking care of the total person, spirit, soul and body. Fathers form realities in the lives of daughters and build character in the life of sons.  

Sometimes fathers dont know how much the things they do affect their children and so it’s important to have people around who are more advanced in parenting who can give sober advise and help bring out the best in the children. I may not know everything about fatherhood but I have shared a few things I have learnt especially from my personal account of life.  

Dear dads please love your children and make sure they know that you love them, it forms them emotionally. Teach your children well, train them as God would because truth is, you will be accountable to God for what you do or don’t do with your children. Our dads may not be perfect but alongside honouring them, let’s pray for them, they need it. Ask God to help them set you up right for life. As I finish always remember that “the heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature.”

Thank you so much for reading today’s piece. I hope it has been enlightening. As always it’s an honour having you read this. Thank you for your continued support prayers and love. Let me know what you thought about this article on the comment section. Also share anything related to this on the comments for others to read and get a few nuggets. Like the article and share it as widely as you can. God bless you and I love you.

#Fatherhood #Honour

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Let Him Drive.  

Arlene Ayirah

Hey there, I hope you are doing great and that God is making Himself manifest in your life everyday. I also do hope that your communion with our Lord is solid because we were created for this purpose – to commune with the Father,for relationship with Him.  Even as we keep talking about relationships I would have you know that your relationship with God is the most important.  So make sure it’s at its best. 

So today I want us to talk about a matter that I have come to realize is being reversed in this modern society as far as relationships are concerned. I would like to throw a question, do you think it’s alright for a girl to ask a guy out? What am basically asking is whose job is it between a man and woman to pursue the other in dating courtship and eventually getting to marriage?And what are some of the things that we must know in order to pursue right and be pursued right. 

Before I can share my mind I would like to include answers I received from a few friends who are very sober in matters relationship and dating. Do pay attention to the things they will say about this matter and I will add thoughts of my own to conclude this topic.  

Jael Janis

In today’s world, women don’t like being approached by people who notice there outward features. They would love to be appreciated for their personality and that means you must get to know them better. It is considered lustful when a guy begins describing a lady with her physical features.
Again ladies should also not entertain guys,  I mean “creating a conducive environment for being proposed to” then turn down the offer.  How do ladies do that?  Always calling to know how the guy is and in essence there’s nothing much to be said,  being in constant communication : good mornings, nice lunches,  good nights and chatting the whole day saying nothing.

Pursuit in my opinion should be with understanding, that is in the first place why are you approaching the Lady? If you have no intention with her whatsoever it’s better to stay  on the friend zone.  Guys should stop buying gifts and showing special attention to ladies if they have no intention.

Benjamin Waka

Out of 100% of men, About 70% of them will throw hints and all. (I saw you I liked you but kept it to themselves.) They will not ask you out directly and state their intentions for you.  25% will be bold enough to approach a lady and say what they want. Out of the 25% about 20% are players. They are very good talkers, smooth, great looks, money  or something to get ladies but are not willing to commit. They are bold. That’s because there’s nowhere it’s all headed. It’s all just a game for them and because time is a revealer of motives, when a lady is difficult for a while they give up and go.

Genuine men don’t give up till they get you. They hunt you down. They take time. They are interested in the little things about you.  What makes her mad? What’s her favourite dish? They truly give time to know you. 

Moz Muchoki

ACCORDING TO GENESIS 29:1-14.

THE STORY OF JACOB AND RACHAEL –IN THEIR OWN WORDS.

Kindly study this scriptures in depth and realize how Jacob and Rachael were in pursuit of God’s affairs when they met and eventually got married.  

Jacob narrates;

“I was still overwhelmed from my experience at Bethel. What an encounter!. So far it was the highlight of my journey. I now knew what th presence of God was and I was indeed thankful for the covenant that The Lord had made with me. And now my journey has brought me to the land of the people of the East. I knew my uncle Laban lived somewhere around there. I wanted to find Him, for this was my father Isaac’s instructions. So I came to a field which had a well. There were shepherds with their sheep and it was about noon. So I went over to ask them where they were from. They were from Haran. They even knew Laban my uncle. They mentioned that one of Laban’s daughter was coming to water her father’s sheep. I inquired with concern why they had not started watering the sheep yet. As I inquired, Rachael arrived! She was beautiful! But I knew that she had not been idling around waiting for me to charm her into my arms because she had some sheep with her. I had to sober up! She was a shepherdess and she cared about her father’s sheep. The best I could do was to contribute to her purpose and see her for the responsible shepherdess she was. I rolled the stone away and watered the sheep so that I may help her accomplish her mandate as per her father’s will. After that I kissed her to show my affection for also, she is a woman. I introduced myself and I let her know we were from the same family. She then ran off to her father. This didn’t bother me because my destination was to her father’s house anyway”.

Dear men of the 21st century, I narrate this to teach you the following: 

  1. You only find the right woman when in your pursuit of your Heavenly fathers will.
  2. The right woman is not the one waiting for you! She is engaging in her purpose as per her father’s will.
  3. A bethel encounter is highly recommended before thinking of marriage.
  4. The right woman will trust and love her Heavenly Father more than she does to you.  

Rachael narrates:

“It was high day. It would have been pleasurable to engage in my own activities, but I had to be faithful to my father Laban. For I love him. I had to take the sheep for watering, for I know this is what he wanted me to do and it would please him. So off I went, leading my father’s sheep, the sheep He designated for me to look after, seeking and wanting nothing else but to accomplish that which my father has given to me as a responsibility. I arrived at the fields where the well was. My fellow shepherds were there waiting for all the sheep to gather so that we can water them but I also met them speaking to a strange man I had not seen him before. He looked at me and I could tell that he observed the sheep I had come with. He rolled away the stone that covered the well and watered my father’s sheep. He cared about the responsibility I had in my father’s house and his first action was not to respond to my beauty and try to charm me. Instead, He saw something more.  He saw PURPOSE, my responsibility and he gave himself to partner with me and help me do that which was my purpose. Then after that he sincerely showed me affection; I think he even wept! He introduced himself and proclaimed to me the family he belonged and we had a connection in our identity. Immediately, I ran to my father after all this man Jacob, was worth talking about to my father.

Dear sisters of the 21st century, I narrate this to teach you the following;

  1. Don’t receive a man because He pursued you. Receive him because your heavenly father approves him.
  2. Don’t be idle desiring a husband and waiting. Take responsibilities in your father’s house and engage in purpose. Let your PURPOSE be so evident in your life than your beautiful smile.
  3. Receive the man who carries your heavenly fathers “DNA”.

Cliff Alambo

Genesis 2:24

“Therefore ( For this cause) a man shall leave his Father and mother and shall Cleave to his wife and the two shall become one Flesh”

The heart of Kingdom marriage is found in these two words: Leave and Cleave. That’s the heartbeat of Kingdom marriage. 

In every culture, and every social setting, the woman always feels a sense of significance when she is “pursued” 

Every woman loves that special feeling of being wanted. It appears that by law of nature, females are to be pursued. 

The female always wants the male to pursue her and prove worthy. Women love that feeling of being pursued, it makes them special. 

Reason with me:

The Hebrew word translated “N” in genesis 2:24 is the word “dabaq”. This is a very interesting word and based on this context, it can accurately be translated as

  1. To be glued permanently 
  2. To pursue
  3. To follow closely 
  4. To unite tightly
  5. To adhere to
  6. To constantly chase 

Interesting right? The man ought to pursue the woman. it’s divine order. The woman in all cultures of human history has always waited to be pursued.

The bible is consistent with this idea, that’s why you find scripture like “he who finds a wife” meaning he actually actively searches or pursues. 

It’s same explanation for why the greatest female need in context of marriage is affection, not respect. ( Am not saying women don’t need respect, in fact a woman interpretes respect through affection).

Intimacy wears off when men stop pursuing their wives, this is consistent with scripture. The word cleave, can mean, continually and constantly pursue. This is extremely important to understand. 

And notice, it’s the man that does the leaving and cleaving. ( I won’t get to details of the significance of this) but it’s special attribute to women to be pursued. Men love to conquer women love to connect. Let me leave it at that. 

Now, here is another truth by same principle: women in the context of marrriage were supposed to respond to a proposal, not a compliment or a suggestion.

 A compliment or a suggestion Is not a proposal. A proposal is an official and well articulated invitation to the woman with specific intention of marriage. That’s beyond what you make the man feel based on how beautiful you are.

 In the context of dating, which by now you know is more cultural than it is scriptural, the woman is supposed to enter a relationship with man who has communicated his intentions in an emphatic and articulate manner. 

The man needs to rise to the occasion and state his intentions. otherwise, he is not worthy of any chance or opportunity to pursue a woman. Dear Kingdom woman, do not respond to a compliment or a suggestion, respond to a proposal. 

The relationship and pain that some women have dealt with is simply they responded to a compliment or a suggestion,the problem with this kind of response is that you are giving your life to someone who has no intentions to pursue you, and therefore has no plans to cleave to you. 

Respond to a proposal and begin the journey of being pursued, while for the man: Don’t give a proposal if you are not ready to pursue by biblical standards. Unless you understand leave and Cleave, you are not ready to propose. 

Friends, from all this information shared here we can clearly see and understand that the nature of man in a relationship is to engage with God at a place of purpose and pursue a woman in line with God’s mandate for both their lives.  

I get that in the world today a lot has been said and done to change this standard, as far as dating is concerned and as result the beauty of relating has been ruined. It’s like an endless disaster.  

Being excited about a boy you like is not enough to decide that they are the one for you. You’ve got to ask yourself very vital questions like, what’s their purpose, who are they submitted to, is he pursuing you,  why is he pursuing you, what’s his real intention. If you fail to answer these questions then you put yourself at a vulnerable position. 

Ladies you were created to be pursued and not to pursue. You see when a man chases you, for him that is an investment and so he treasures you the more because it costed him some effort to get you. If you initiate the relationship all that may happen is that a man may feel flattered and even imagine it’s his lucky day but because it was not his idea he will be non committal. I hate to burst your bubble but when a man is not calling you, checking on you, texting you, or even trying to reach out and set up something it’s pretty simple, he is just not interested. 

The best you can do as a woman is to reciprocate what he does or says. Keep him comfortable and also on edge at the same time. Make him feel good about himself and the choices he has made concerning your friendship. You will be surprised how thoughtful a man can be if you just let him seat on the drivers seat. 

And my dear brothers, be intentional about where your relationship with a lady stands. Do not lead her on if you do not intend to go all the way. We ladies have a tendency of sometimes reading into the little things you do. Do not engage a woman’s emotions if you know you are not willing to hold them together by her side. I would love for men to be delibarate about pursuing a woman of their choice from a point of understanding and genuine interest and not to test the waters.  

I leave you with this, As we look to date well and marry well I would love for you to consider hard your individual relationship with God. Is God your ultimate source, do you love Him and are you willing to do His will even if it costs you. This is a golden rule that will set the pace for every good relationship in your life. 

I would like to appreciate Jael, Moz, Benjamin and Cliff for your immense contribution to this article. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with these lovely men and women who are determined to do life God’s way. I appreciate your input and I sure do hope we can do this again.  

If you have a question or comment feel free to leave it in the comment box. Also share this with your friends and family. Let them know there is hope and if we do this the God way we are not going to fail. Like the piece and keep communing with God. Be authentic, be yourself and let’s keep God as our standard. I love you and God bless you.

Is It Time To Let Go?

Arlene Ayirah. 

Hello beautiful people. I trust you are well in the Lord and that your days are filled with joy and peace from God. It’s been a while since I published and I sure do hope that what I have to say today will find a place in your heart to stay, impact, change, encourage and transform both you and I.

I have come to establish that love is a beautiful thing. However people have perverted the real meaning of love and now we tend to think that love is something that comes and takes you over and you have zero control about it. Some people even hold on to their childhood “love” because of some of the soap operas that have painted a different image of what love is. Just so we are on the same page I want us to understand that God is love and He is the ultimate example and illustration of what true love should be like. So the best person to seek advise on love is God because He created it and so He knows how it should be. A friend of mine  likes to say that Man is God’s idea and so only God can sustain man since He knows how He made man to function. And I agree. He created you and me and so He becomes our instructor, our manual. 

Relationships are a huge part of our lives and we cannot survive being alone. We have to make friends, business partners, colleagues, class mates, wives and husbands. We need to have a social life that is authentic, beneficial, and healthy. 

We have however,  probably found ourselves in some relationships that have robbed us of our joy, peace of mind, sanity and even our values. I have met a couple of people who have questions on if they should keep dating their current partners or not. Others even in their friendships are feeling dehydrated and worn out and they no longer know what they should do or become. They have lost sense of meaning and are not sure  if they are being used and engaging in an unhealthy friendship. 

How then do you know that the relationship you are in (whether work related, romantic relationship, or just friendships) needs to come to an end?

First of all if you are asking yourself this question, then you clearly are in doubt about the position you are in. The Bible says in James 1:5 that If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. So if you have a question on your current relationship then the first person to seek help from is God – your father.  

I also would love to remind us to involve God before we make decisions concerning whether or not we should get involved in certain relationships. If a purpose of a relationship is clear from the word go then we have a shot at making it to the very end. Someone I know once told me thatThe fact that there is purpose between two people does not automatically mean that there should be relationship”. So be careful as you pick out your involvement with people around you.  

Sometimes we get into relationships and as we proceed, issues and truths begin to crop up and start pricking the very foundation of that relationship. You get into a business partnership and realize your partner is unfaithful with how they handle the business finances. What do you do? Leave and start all over?  It is important for you to deal with the real issues affecting the relationship. If nobody wants to stand out and address the issue then it means you will keep going in circles – One person messes up, they apologize and you start all over. So don’t let your relationship face death just because you are afraid of dealing with the real issues.  If nobody is ready to deal with the issues then it’s time to let go.  

A man of God I love to listen to gives the story of Sarah,  Abraham and Hagar and explains how Ishmael Hagar’s son with Abraham picks on Isaac. Remember Isaac was the promised son but Sarah decided to assist God and gave Hagar to Abraham so they could have a child. When a relationship you are in begins to pick on the promises of God in your life,  then you definitely need to let it go.  If you are dating and the relationship produces lustful desires that pick on your purity, you don’t need a prophesy over your life to leave, just flee. A business relationship with someone with no integrity is not one you should be in as a child of God.  No relationship is worth keeping if it’s at the expense of the promises of God over your life. Because the gifts that come from God are perfect. 

In case you are wondering…. I have been dating this lady for seven years, if I leave this business I will have no money to sustain myself and many other things that may give you a reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship then here is something to cheer you on.  

When you leave a relationship that is eating into your purpose you open doors for God to restore and put you back in track with your original purpose and functionality.  And for me a healthy, authentic and tangible relationship with God beats every other thing. 

Mike Todd says, and even as you work on your exit plan for that relationship that you know you need to leave, do it quickly, end it with a blessing, end it intentionally and end it putting all your trust in God. Be sure not to leave an open door for the relationship to come back.  Don’t tell that lady that you need a break to think when you know for sure that you are walking and never coming back.  Do not be passive in ending things with people, be very intentional.  Being intentional does not mean you act rude. 

Trust God to take you through the necessary healing you need. Allow God help you pick out what is good for you as you walk in purpose. If a relationship is a liability you let it go, but if it is an asset you keep it.  And just as iron sharpens iron, allow yourself to be sharpened by people of your own kind.

I hope this has shed some light on some of the issues we battle with in our relationships.  I pray that God shall help us to make sober decisions and act accordingly as we reflect God in our daily lives. Please read, share your thoughts on the comment icon and let’s have this discussion further.  Also like this article and share with your circles. I love you all with the love of God. Remember love and relationship is not a game you play and stop when you like. It involves people’s hearts so take care of someone’s heart because God created that person as much as He created you. 


My Birthday Wish 

Arlene Ayirah

Hey my people. Its been months since I last posted. It doesn’t mean I stopped writing. Am still here to share with you and to learn from you as well. Before I get started I really want to appreciate those of you who went out of their way to enquire about why I haven’t written in a while. I must say I have been encouraged to know that I have people who genuinely look forward to my work. I really appreciate you guys so much. 

So today is my birthday and I will take this chance to empty my heart and share one of the things I have learnt in my previous year. This is going to take a while so brace yourself. I may not have it all figured out but I would want you to pick what is relevant for you and run with it.

What would you do if you woke up one morning and find that you lost all or one thing that you have held dearly. It could be your best friend, a parent, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your job, something that means so much to you. What is the first thing you do, think or feel. Am sure most of us have a reaction to this. Mostly negative reactions. We become bitter, we cry, we vent. What changes after we have reacted? Do we get back what we’ve lost. 

You’ve got to know that we all embrace pain differently. We all have our own ways of dealing with pain and hurts. The most common is withdrawing from people. The aspect of “I need space to clear my head”. Am sure you are familiar with this. This year I experienced quite a big loss. One I didn’t see coming, and the first thing I did was build a wall and totally shut every one else out. 

I had people around me telling me that I am strong, I will handle it. But I wasn’t able to. I chose to close myself in and refuse to deal with the pain. Now I realize that healing doesn’t happen with time. Healing is a process God Himself walks you through. The only thing time does is that it makes u learn how to live with the pain. It doesn’t heal you. 

Loss is painful. Loss is hard to deal with. Building walls and refusing to allow yourself the opportunity to heal is however not the answer. The best thing to do is accept that you are hurting and begin to open yourself up for healing. I wish I did some things differently but since I realized this I have began my healing process. Sooner or later I will be a lady with a healthy heart. And so on my birthday I wish myself a spontaneous and exciting time in my healing period. I wish to rediscover me and keep at loving myself even at my flaws.

I would have loved for my dad to be around and throw me some humongous birthday wish but this won’t stop me from enjoying my day. Dad you are missed. 

I say to myself today I am strong, I am beautiful, I am loved, I am the best thing that has ever happened to the world. I will keep pressing, I won’t give up and I will prove to the world that God did a perfect job allowing me into the world on a day like this. 

I want to appreciate all the people who have been with me through this. You guys mean the world to me. I totally appreciate your friendship. Cheers to many more. God bless. 

Thanks guys for reading. I hope you were encouraged even just a little. Make the right decisions. Do not wait to learn from experience. Be deliberate about choosing what is right for you. Even if it doesn’t make sense to everyone else. Do you. Happy Birthday to me.

Datetiquette 

Arlene Ayirah 

Am surprised at myself that am about to give insight on how a proper date should be like yet I have not actually had something I would classify as a proper date. All the same I will share what I learnt about proper dating manners

So a few friends gave me their views about what they feel a good date should be like and I will share some of what they gave. Many thanks to them Judith Flora, Shax Pius, Godfrey Everest, Violet Msola and Neema Kihundwa. Thank you guys for your input. 

When it comes to asking someone on a date, it is advisable for the man to take an initiative and ask the girl out. This is because when the man does, it adds a lot of mystrery to the whole experience. It also makes the chase more interesting.

First off, there’s an aspect of time keeping. If you are going to meet someone on a date, it is important to keep time. Most especially it is not good to keep a lady waiting. Also ladies, make sure to keep time so that you ensure you have quality time to spend. In case you are going to run late, let your partner know. That’s being thoughtful and courteous.

Once you arrive at your date location,there are a lot of dynamics involved.  When it comes to food, this is what I learnt should be the case.  Idealy the man is supposed to pay the bill. So with this is mind the lady should make her order first. The reason for this is because…lets say you have 3000 to spend for the meal, you should allow the girl to order first for what she wants to eat so that you as the man can know what to order for, that will fall in the range of what you have in your pocket. Also, in the communication in between the date, ensure that you pass the correct message to one another. Avoid having personal conversations about some personal stuff. Get to know one another, learn each others character, the deeper level of communication should come after you have already decided to take your date to a next level of having a long term relationship. Note that in any form of communication 20% is in what you actually say and the other 80% is in your body language. 

A habit that should be avoided in a date is using your cell phone. It speaks volumes when you use your phone on a date. It shows that you are rude and you don’t treasure the time you have with your date. It’s better to switch off your phone or put it on airplane mode. In terms of dressing, it’s important to look presentable, descent and classy all together. Do not overdress, avoid too much make up, do not wear something that makes you uncomfortable. If it is at night ensure you are warm enough too. If you overdo your outfit it makes you look desperate,cheap and it appears as if you are trying too hard. 

Lastly, a tip for the men. When you make a girl laugh on your first date you have a bonus.  It’s so nice when a man has a sense of humour that is not offensive. When a man is funny, it makes the whole date pleasant and many times, it earns you a second date. 

Also a date doesn’t have to be at an expensive place. As long as it is calm, beautiful, not crowded and with good food  it is good to go. Do not be put under pressure to impress the lady by taking her to an expensive place which she may not even like. Most times simple is the best way to go.  

Am sure there are many more dynamics about how to conduct yourself on a date.   Why don’t you share some of them on the comment box. Like the piece too and share it with your friends. Thank you for taking time to read my article today. 

Understanding Your Relationship.

Arlene Ayirah.

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Hello my people. Its been a month since I last posted.I have missed you all and I hope you have been doing great.Am here today with this topic of how we can understand and manage our relationships.I hope it will be a great help to you and me as well.
I first of all want you to have this basic information even before we delve deeper into this topic.My relationship can never be the same as yours or someone elses. Even if you have similar characteristics with your sister or brother your relationships can never have the same flow or progression. I say this so that you can stop comparing your relationship to that of someone else. Each relationship is unique and has been modeled in its own special way. So the way to handle relationships and its issues can vary depending on what you have with your special someone.
Let me use a few examples that are common and can be major setbacks in our relationships if not properly handled.Having the access or passwords to your partners phone,social media platforms and maybe computer.People normally want to do this so they can keep tabs on their boyfriend or girlfriend.So they can know who they talk to or if they are cheating on them.I know people who totally have no problem giving their partners access to their phones.Many say it is because they have nothing to hide.Truth is having your partners password will not stop them from cheating on you.If anything is may cause a lot of drama for your relationship.I stand to be corrected but i think this issue mostly affects the ladies.Just because your bff has the password to her mans phone should not push you to start frustrating your man for his password.
I even noticed that at times when you have the password it causes more trouble than good.Men,there is this phrase you use”am trying to protect you”.Sometimes the ladies do not need this protection you are talking about,they just want an assurance that you will hang on and fight for your relationship despite other women who may come in your life.So if you really cant give your password give them no reason to doubt your love and affection.
Another common issue is about the dating dynamics.”My friend went to Villa Rosa Kempinski for dinner so you should take me there as well”.It doesn’t work like that my friend.Every couple has a thing they do.If Kempinski is not yours please do not push it.Men have a way of making KFC feel like Villa Rosa.You may be shocked that even Villa Rosa may not put a smile on your face and make you feel like a princess.Get me right please.Am not saying Villa Rosa is a bad idea am simply asking us to stick to our lane and do the adventures we can very well take,enjoy and afford.Do not try to do things other people do thinking that your relationship will be better.
It goes all the way to how we solve problems or conflict in our relationships.Some men will buy their ladies a rose as a way of apologizing, others will prefer to sit and talk the problem over without any material gift involved.It doesn’t mean he loves you less because he did not bring flowers or a bar of chocolates.It just reminds you of how unique or special your relationship is from others.
When you have a working relationship with God,it helps you to see your partner as God sees him or her.It all narrows down to how you and your Father relate.We have to work so hard to have a relationship with God that not only exists but one that functions.When we pray,we speak to God. He wants to here from us He wants us to have communication.Meditation on His word keeps in our hearts the desires of the Lord for our lives. We stick to what He wants from us because we are constantly thinking about what He says about us.When we want to hear from God, then we ought to study His word and have information about Him,ourselves and what He says about us.With these,we can channel the same principles to our love lives and have great relationships and progressively good working marriages.
Therefore,it is very vital for everyone in a working relationship to learn what their partners are and do everything they can to nurture who they are not try to change them into a man or woman they have created in their minds or fantasies.You need to see your man or woman for who he or she is.This will go a long way in protecting,keeping and growing your relationship.I notice men love women who love them for who they are not try to change how them.They feel like Kings.So ladies if you want to feel like a queen make sure you are treating him like a King.
Thank you for reading today’s piece i hope you enjoyed and learnt a thing or two.I still have plans to host our power couple Diana Haddasah and Felix Mureithi in other words, Mr and Mrs Mureithi, so be expectant i assure you it will be worth the wait.Please share your comments about today’s topic.Any information that will be helpful to this topic is very welcome.Take care of yourselves and your phones because without you,there is no Yadahlife. Thank you for reading my blog I truly from the bottom of my heart appreciate you.

Babe,We Need A Break…

Arlene Ayirah

BREAK

Hey guys. Hope you have been doing great. Am good, needed a break to deal with a few things. Before we can get into our topic today I wanted to congratulate a friend of mine for posting his first article. Dennis Njage Munene. You did an amazing first article. Please read his articles and encourage him to write because I know he has a lot of great wisdom to share.
Today am writing this blog with a friend of mine Caroline Gathoni Muriuki aka Yellow. I give you all permission to call her yellow because of her extremely light color. We are going to share about the most feared aspect of any relationship. The time when one person in the relationship needs a break for one reason or another. The major challenge rises when one party does not agree to this. Reason being they necessarily don’t see the reason why the break is needed and on their part they feel that they are doing everything right for the relationship to blossom.
Most times the break issue arises when the relationship is moving too fast for one person. The pace of every relationship if not monitored and agreed upon can be a big issue for the people involved. It at times becomes scary and that is why some people may feel that a break is the best option.
How then do we deal with it when it comes. Truth is, I don’t have a formulae to solving this issue. But i do know that it is important to be on the same page for sober relationship to prevail. I believe that it is the best interest for both parties in the relationship to grant the break when it is asked for. However, you need to understand if it is indeed a break or a way out the relationship.
Love is a two way traffic. When one side flows and the other lane is stuck, then the flow is disrupted. A break gives the chance for one to see or realize who is violating the rules. For many relationships especially those started in a rush,a break might be necessary before you get too far.Before getting to a serious commitment you have to know at least 80% of the other person.So if you are in a relationship where a simple thing such as communication is not free-flow then you might need that break. Who didn’t hit the break when the green light flickered? Who switched to the other lane? Time to reflect can get you these answers.
In other cases one party in a relationship is normally looking for an escape route. Sometimes they have found another more interesting person and want to leave you for them. How will you know? Well often than not, there are usually a few signs. They don’t keep in touch as they used to,  they don’t give you the same attention they used to, they always have an excuse not to meet up, your calls or texts become an irritation to them and sometimes they keep talking about this new friend they met. Be cautious this friend may just be the reason for your break. In this case,I would advise that the party not interested should just lay the cards on the table and be honest. Let your partner know that you are no longer interested in the relationship. I think it is better to deal with a truth than to hold on to false hope of getting back together. As I always say, there is no good way to break bad news. It will still hurt. The humane thing to do is to put everything in the open and allow the events to unfold.
If you did not orchestrate the break in the relationship, please do not victimize the person who asked for it. It is mature for you to find out why he or she needed that break and see what you can do to facilitate a great transition even as you both take time to figure yourselves out. Do not give yourself a pat on the back thinking you did everything right and a break is not what you rightly deserved because the world doesn’t always give us what we deserve. We are made perfect in our mistakes so don’t be self righteous and judge your partner for needing the break. You were loved, not because you were perfect but because your partner could stomach your weaknesses.
A break is not necessarily a break up so let us learn to differentiate the two and give the proper treatment for each scenario. Caroline, Thank you for your input and wisdom am sure our readers have learnt a thing or two.
Coming soon is an article about a power couple who got married last month. We will get their perspective of Love and learn a few things from them. I am also looking forward to this amazing story where MUSIC MET LOVE.
Please share this piece with your friends, give it a thumbs up and share your comments and opinions about this topic. Until next time do have yourself a wonderful time in the Lord. God increase and keep you.

Why We Make The Same Mistakes.

Arlene Ayirah
zzzz

Hello everyone. I am back after a break with this article that has eaten me up for a while. Am still talking about relationships so tune your mind in that perspective. Have you dated a guy or girl who totally messed you up or wasted you and you made a promise to yourself to never make the same mistake another time. Well I bet most of us have. We have told ourselves before, I will never allow myself to get into this position ever again. Funny thing is that, you actually get there many times and just when you have built yourself, you meet someone who just makes u go bananas and before you know it, you are back where you started.
I would have you know that all of us have a type. By type I mean, we attract or are attracted to men or women with almost similar personalities. In that, you would date a men or women with at least one similar trait. That is why with time you realize your breakups or fights with these dates are almost similar, hence the phrase, men/women are all the same.
I feel a little overwhelmed writing about this because my thoughts are all over the place. So let me start from wherever my heart goes first. We make the same mistakes twice or more than twice because we do not want to see the truth and reality of things. Even when you know that this guy or girl is not good for you somehow you still convince yourself that it might work. It is very okay to trust your instincts. They don’t happen by chance because within you, you always know when something is not going to work out, you just chose to ignore that feeling.
We make the same mistakes because we have lost touch with ourselves. You stay single for such a long time and one guy shows interest in you and vwalaa you forget everything you have ever stood for. It is important to be in touch with your heart, your emotions and your principles. It doesn’t mean you will not feel tempted to live in the moment and enjoy every passing minute, it just means you are going to trust yourself enough to hold on until your other half shows up. Keeping in touch here is simply not losing connection with your convictions and beliefs. Going with them all the way.
Making a wrong move once is okay, but making the same wrong move over and over is just wrong. We must make a deliberate choice to have a standards far as our love life is concerned and stick to it. We must not settle for anything else only because we want to fit in with our peers. We must allow ourselves be happy with or without a man. I’d rather you be single and happy than be in a relationship that drains you. I have been a victim of making mistakes over and over but just knowing this will not help me. It is not enough to be aware of my weaknesses. It’s enough to work on myself and uphold myself in better regard which will allow me progress and not stay at the same spot.

Preparedness For Dating

arlene

Hello people its been a while since I posted. Was trying to cook something in the background for us all. Today I want us to answer a fundamental question that people ask every time.The question I want to address is this, what is the right time to date? First of all I want us to get rid of the stereotype that one can only date in their twenties or rather in a particular age group. The right time is not about age but rather its more about the state of mind. It is about the maturity of an individual in all aspects.

Being in a relationship is not about age because if it were, there would be no 40 year old women and men who are single. The right time to date is when you have come to total realization of yourself, a point where you have fallen in love with yourself flaws and all. It is when you have discovered your purpose and all that you are doing is inclined to achieving this purpose. The right time is when you stop being selfish…when you stop thinking of yourself and begin accommodating another person. The right time to get into a relationship is when you have emotionally understood what you want and the willingness to work towards preparing yourself in the same way you are hoping the partner you will have prepares himself or herself.

Dating is fun i bet, but it requires work. It requires effort. If you are to relate with someone,then you have to ensure that you put in a lot of investments in place for the success of your relationship. You have to invest your time for this person. Even when you are so tied up, it is important to spare some time to spend with your partner. You need to completely forget about the “I” factor and start getting used to the “We”. There is no specific time when one can say that this is the right time to date. It is all dependent on personal maturity. Also note that, you cannot force yourself to be ready. Its the same way you cannot force your teeth to grow. It is a natural process that takes place at its own time.

When you realize you are becoming interested in having a relationships, it is wise to equip yourself. This can be done by reading books about successful relationships. You can source material from all around and build yourself. Make yourself the person that will be attractive. Make yourself presentable and legible for the person you hope to date.

Am sure some of you were looking forward to the part 2 of sexuality article. Don’t you worry it will be here shortly. Keep your comments coming they are so much appreciated. Thank you for being a blessing by reading my pieces this far.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sexuality Reloaded Part 1

Arlene Ayirah

chastity

Today’s piece is mostly directed to the ladies though the application can also involve the men. First of all, I want to apologize if anything that follows will sound a little out of line. But i do not think there is an easier way to say it. They say the truth is never sweet. There is no good way to break bad news, you just say it as it is. Calm down its nothing to be afraid of, its just a truth we have ignored for way to long. So brace yourself…
Here is a little something that hit me about our sexuality.
Virginity to be precise. We all know what virginity is i will not go into details of explaining. Although i would love to say this, virginity is not a disorder or an abnormality. I hate to see how young girls and boys have been deceived to think that being a virgin is the worst thing that can ever happen. It worsens at puberty when peer pressure crops in. Virginity is a state of purity. Purity here means clean, untouched, not tampered with. It is a state of honor and self respect. This is the right way to view virginity and not all the stereotypes making rounds.

When you have sex with someone for the first time its called losing your virginity. Note the word loose. Think about this, if you know that you are going to lose something, would you even think of putting your time, resources and energy in it? Rather if am gonna lose money investing in a business,why invest in it? It is the same thing when we come to matters of sex. If you going to lose your virginity,why lose it to some idiot who does not deserve it. Someone who is out to just use you and leave you for the next available prey. I am the old fashion kind of girl, I believe in fairy tales.

Think of this analogy, if I am thinking of using money because I am throwing a surprise birthday party for my mom,dad or really good friend, its worth it because i make them happy. I get to see this priceless smile on their faces. I get to leave a lasting impression on the people i love and care about. If you plan on having sex, why not keep it for this one man who will treasure and respect you all your life. Why not wait to make a lasting impression on the one person you will love over and over till you both grow old.

Sex is not a game, it is not a bet. Nobody ever dies because they abstained until marriage. We must treat our sexuality with so much respect. We must hold it in high esteem. God created sex, it is a good thing as long as it is done under the right circumstances that is marriage. I leave you with this, do not lose your sexual dignity to a random passer by.  Engage in sex with the only person who matters. Your husband. Sex is an investment not a game.
Thanks for your attention ladies and gentlemen. Share with others too. I feel compelled to do a part 2 on this. So look out for it. Keep safe and God bless you.

Before i forget help me wish a really good friend of mine a Happy Birthday… Happy Birthday Brian Gachiri. God keep you, sustain you and increase you. This is your season of outpouring. Am so proud of you. Lots of Love