Datetiquette 

Arlene Ayirah 

Am surprised at myself that am about to give insight on how a proper date should be like yet I have not actually had something I would classify as a proper date. All the same I will share what I learnt about proper dating manners

So a few friends gave me their views about what they feel a good date should be like and I will share some of what they gave. Many thanks to them Judith Flora, Shax Pius, Godfrey Everest, Violet Msola and Neema Kihundwa. Thank you guys for your input. 

When it comes to asking someone on a date, it is advisable for the man to take an initiative and ask the girl out. This is because when the man does, it adds a lot of mystrery to the whole experience. It also makes the chase more interesting.

First off, there’s an aspect of time keeping. If you are going to meet someone on a date, it is important to keep time. Most especially it is not good to keep a lady waiting. Also ladies, make sure to keep time so that you ensure you have quality time to spend. In case you are going to run late, let your partner know. That’s being thoughtful and courteous.

Once you arrive at your date location,there are a lot of dynamics involved.  When it comes to food, this is what I learnt should be the case.  Idealy the man is supposed to pay the bill. So with this is mind the lady should make her order first. The reason for this is because…lets say you have 3000 to spend for the meal, you should allow the girl to order first for what she wants to eat so that you as the man can know what to order for, that will fall in the range of what you have in your pocket. Also, in the communication in between the date, ensure that you pass the correct message to one another. Avoid having personal conversations about some personal stuff. Get to know one another, learn each others character, the deeper level of communication should come after you have already decided to take your date to a next level of having a long term relationship. Note that in any form of communication 20% is in what you actually say and the other 80% is in your body language. 

A habit that should be avoided in a date is using your cell phone. It speaks volumes when you use your phone on a date. It shows that you are rude and you don’t treasure the time you have with your date. It’s better to switch off your phone or put it on airplane mode. In terms of dressing, it’s important to look presentable, descent and classy all together. Do not overdress, avoid too much make up, do not wear something that makes you uncomfortable. If it is at night ensure you are warm enough too. If you overdo your outfit it makes you look desperate,cheap and it appears as if you are trying too hard. 

Lastly, a tip for the men. When you make a girl laugh on your first date you have a bonus.  It’s so nice when a man has a sense of humour that is not offensive. When a man is funny, it makes the whole date pleasant and many times, it earns you a second date. 

Also a date doesn’t have to be at an expensive place. As long as it is calm, beautiful, not crowded and with good food  it is good to go. Do not be put under pressure to impress the lady by taking her to an expensive place which she may not even like. Most times simple is the best way to go.  

Am sure there are many more dynamics about how to conduct yourself on a date.   Why don’t you share some of them on the comment box. Like the piece too and share it with your friends. Thank you for taking time to read my article today. 

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Understanding Your Relationship.

Arlene Ayirah.

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Hello my people. Its been a month since I last posted.I have missed you all and I hope you have been doing great.Am here today with this topic of how we can understand and manage our relationships.I hope it will be a great help to you and me as well.
I first of all want you to have this basic information even before we delve deeper into this topic.My relationship can never be the same as yours or someone elses. Even if you have similar characteristics with your sister or brother your relationships can never have the same flow or progression. I say this so that you can stop comparing your relationship to that of someone else. Each relationship is unique and has been modeled in its own special way. So the way to handle relationships and its issues can vary depending on what you have with your special someone.
Let me use a few examples that are common and can be major setbacks in our relationships if not properly handled.Having the access or passwords to your partners phone,social media platforms and maybe computer.People normally want to do this so they can keep tabs on their boyfriend or girlfriend.So they can know who they talk to or if they are cheating on them.I know people who totally have no problem giving their partners access to their phones.Many say it is because they have nothing to hide.Truth is having your partners password will not stop them from cheating on you.If anything is may cause a lot of drama for your relationship.I stand to be corrected but i think this issue mostly affects the ladies.Just because your bff has the password to her mans phone should not push you to start frustrating your man for his password.
I even noticed that at times when you have the password it causes more trouble than good.Men,there is this phrase you use”am trying to protect you”.Sometimes the ladies do not need this protection you are talking about,they just want an assurance that you will hang on and fight for your relationship despite other women who may come in your life.So if you really cant give your password give them no reason to doubt your love and affection.
Another common issue is about the dating dynamics.”My friend went to Villa Rosa Kempinski for dinner so you should take me there as well”.It doesn’t work like that my friend.Every couple has a thing they do.If Kempinski is not yours please do not push it.Men have a way of making KFC feel like Villa Rosa.You may be shocked that even Villa Rosa may not put a smile on your face and make you feel like a princess.Get me right please.Am not saying Villa Rosa is a bad idea am simply asking us to stick to our lane and do the adventures we can very well take,enjoy and afford.Do not try to do things other people do thinking that your relationship will be better.
It goes all the way to how we solve problems or conflict in our relationships.Some men will buy their ladies a rose as a way of apologizing, others will prefer to sit and talk the problem over without any material gift involved.It doesn’t mean he loves you less because he did not bring flowers or a bar of chocolates.It just reminds you of how unique or special your relationship is from others.
When you have a working relationship with God,it helps you to see your partner as God sees him or her.It all narrows down to how you and your Father relate.We have to work so hard to have a relationship with God that not only exists but one that functions.When we pray,we speak to God. He wants to here from us He wants us to have communication.Meditation on His word keeps in our hearts the desires of the Lord for our lives. We stick to what He wants from us because we are constantly thinking about what He says about us.When we want to hear from God, then we ought to study His word and have information about Him,ourselves and what He says about us.With these,we can channel the same principles to our love lives and have great relationships and progressively good working marriages.
Therefore,it is very vital for everyone in a working relationship to learn what their partners are and do everything they can to nurture who they are not try to change them into a man or woman they have created in their minds or fantasies.You need to see your man or woman for who he or she is.This will go a long way in protecting,keeping and growing your relationship.I notice men love women who love them for who they are not try to change how them.They feel like Kings.So ladies if you want to feel like a queen make sure you are treating him like a King.
Thank you for reading today’s piece i hope you enjoyed and learnt a thing or two.I still have plans to host our power couple Diana Haddasah and Felix Mureithi in other words, Mr and Mrs Mureithi, so be expectant i assure you it will be worth the wait.Please share your comments about today’s topic.Any information that will be helpful to this topic is very welcome.Take care of yourselves and your phones because without you,there is no Yadahlife. Thank you for reading my blog I truly from the bottom of my heart appreciate you.

Babe,We Need A Break…

Arlene Ayirah

BREAK

Hey guys. Hope you have been doing great. Am good, needed a break to deal with a few things. Before we can get into our topic today I wanted to congratulate a friend of mine for posting his first article. Dennis Njage Munene. You did an amazing first article. Please read his articles and encourage him to write because I know he has a lot of great wisdom to share.
Today am writing this blog with a friend of mine Caroline Gathoni Muriuki aka Yellow. I give you all permission to call her yellow because of her extremely light color. We are going to share about the most feared aspect of any relationship. The time when one person in the relationship needs a break for one reason or another. The major challenge rises when one party does not agree to this. Reason being they necessarily don’t see the reason why the break is needed and on their part they feel that they are doing everything right for the relationship to blossom.
Most times the break issue arises when the relationship is moving too fast for one person. The pace of every relationship if not monitored and agreed upon can be a big issue for the people involved. It at times becomes scary and that is why some people may feel that a break is the best option.
How then do we deal with it when it comes. Truth is, I don’t have a formulae to solving this issue. But i do know that it is important to be on the same page for sober relationship to prevail. I believe that it is the best interest for both parties in the relationship to grant the break when it is asked for. However, you need to understand if it is indeed a break or a way out the relationship.
Love is a two way traffic. When one side flows and the other lane is stuck, then the flow is disrupted. A break gives the chance for one to see or realize who is violating the rules. For many relationships especially those started in a rush,a break might be necessary before you get too far.Before getting to a serious commitment you have to know at least 80% of the other person.So if you are in a relationship where a simple thing such as communication is not free-flow then you might need that break. Who didn’t hit the break when the green light flickered? Who switched to the other lane? Time to reflect can get you these answers.
In other cases one party in a relationship is normally looking for an escape route. Sometimes they have found another more interesting person and want to leave you for them. How will you know? Well often than not, there are usually a few signs. They don’t keep in touch as they used to,  they don’t give you the same attention they used to, they always have an excuse not to meet up, your calls or texts become an irritation to them and sometimes they keep talking about this new friend they met. Be cautious this friend may just be the reason for your break. In this case,I would advise that the party not interested should just lay the cards on the table and be honest. Let your partner know that you are no longer interested in the relationship. I think it is better to deal with a truth than to hold on to false hope of getting back together. As I always say, there is no good way to break bad news. It will still hurt. The humane thing to do is to put everything in the open and allow the events to unfold.
If you did not orchestrate the break in the relationship, please do not victimize the person who asked for it. It is mature for you to find out why he or she needed that break and see what you can do to facilitate a great transition even as you both take time to figure yourselves out. Do not give yourself a pat on the back thinking you did everything right and a break is not what you rightly deserved because the world doesn’t always give us what we deserve. We are made perfect in our mistakes so don’t be self righteous and judge your partner for needing the break. You were loved, not because you were perfect but because your partner could stomach your weaknesses.
A break is not necessarily a break up so let us learn to differentiate the two and give the proper treatment for each scenario. Caroline, Thank you for your input and wisdom am sure our readers have learnt a thing or two.
Coming soon is an article about a power couple who got married last month. We will get their perspective of Love and learn a few things from them. I am also looking forward to this amazing story where MUSIC MET LOVE.
Please share this piece with your friends, give it a thumbs up and share your comments and opinions about this topic. Until next time do have yourself a wonderful time in the Lord. God increase and keep you.

Why We Make The Same Mistakes.

Arlene Ayirah
zzzz

Hello everyone. I am back after a break with this article that has eaten me up for a while. Am still talking about relationships so tune your mind in that perspective. Have you dated a guy or girl who totally messed you up or wasted you and you made a promise to yourself to never make the same mistake another time. Well I bet most of us have. We have told ourselves before, I will never allow myself to get into this position ever again. Funny thing is that, you actually get there many times and just when you have built yourself, you meet someone who just makes u go bananas and before you know it, you are back where you started.
I would have you know that all of us have a type. By type I mean, we attract or are attracted to men or women with almost similar personalities. In that, you would date a men or women with at least one similar trait. That is why with time you realize your breakups or fights with these dates are almost similar, hence the phrase, men/women are all the same.
I feel a little overwhelmed writing about this because my thoughts are all over the place. So let me start from wherever my heart goes first. We make the same mistakes twice or more than twice because we do not want to see the truth and reality of things. Even when you know that this guy or girl is not good for you somehow you still convince yourself that it might work. It is very okay to trust your instincts. They don’t happen by chance because within you, you always know when something is not going to work out, you just chose to ignore that feeling.
We make the same mistakes because we have lost touch with ourselves. You stay single for such a long time and one guy shows interest in you and vwalaa you forget everything you have ever stood for. It is important to be in touch with your heart, your emotions and your principles. It doesn’t mean you will not feel tempted to live in the moment and enjoy every passing minute, it just means you are going to trust yourself enough to hold on until your other half shows up. Keeping in touch here is simply not losing connection with your convictions and beliefs. Going with them all the way.
Making a wrong move once is okay, but making the same wrong move over and over is just wrong. We must make a deliberate choice to have a standards far as our love life is concerned and stick to it. We must not settle for anything else only because we want to fit in with our peers. We must allow ourselves be happy with or without a man. I’d rather you be single and happy than be in a relationship that drains you. I have been a victim of making mistakes over and over but just knowing this will not help me. It is not enough to be aware of my weaknesses. It’s enough to work on myself and uphold myself in better regard which will allow me progress and not stay at the same spot.

Preparedness For Dating

arlene

Hello people its been a while since I posted. Was trying to cook something in the background for us all. Today I want us to answer a fundamental question that people ask every time.The question I want to address is this, what is the right time to date? First of all I want us to get rid of the stereotype that one can only date in their twenties or rather in a particular age group. The right time is not about age but rather its more about the state of mind. It is about the maturity of an individual in all aspects.

Being in a relationship is not about age because if it were, there would be no 40 year old women and men who are single. The right time to date is when you have come to total realization of yourself, a point where you have fallen in love with yourself flaws and all. It is when you have discovered your purpose and all that you are doing is inclined to achieving this purpose. The right time is when you stop being selfish…when you stop thinking of yourself and begin accommodating another person. The right time to get into a relationship is when you have emotionally understood what you want and the willingness to work towards preparing yourself in the same way you are hoping the partner you will have prepares himself or herself.

Dating is fun i bet, but it requires work. It requires effort. If you are to relate with someone,then you have to ensure that you put in a lot of investments in place for the success of your relationship. You have to invest your time for this person. Even when you are so tied up, it is important to spare some time to spend with your partner. You need to completely forget about the “I” factor and start getting used to the “We”. There is no specific time when one can say that this is the right time to date. It is all dependent on personal maturity. Also note that, you cannot force yourself to be ready. Its the same way you cannot force your teeth to grow. It is a natural process that takes place at its own time.

When you realize you are becoming interested in having a relationships, it is wise to equip yourself. This can be done by reading books about successful relationships. You can source material from all around and build yourself. Make yourself the person that will be attractive. Make yourself presentable and legible for the person you hope to date.

Am sure some of you were looking forward to the part 2 of sexuality article. Don’t you worry it will be here shortly. Keep your comments coming they are so much appreciated. Thank you for being a blessing by reading my pieces this far.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sexuality Reloaded Part 1

Arlene Ayirah

chastity

Today’s piece is mostly directed to the ladies though the application can also involve the men. First of all, I want to apologize if anything that follows will sound a little out of line. But i do not think there is an easier way to say it. They say the truth is never sweet. There is no good way to break bad news, you just say it as it is. Calm down its nothing to be afraid of, its just a truth we have ignored for way to long. So brace yourself…
Here is a little something that hit me about our sexuality.
Virginity to be precise. We all know what virginity is i will not go into details of explaining. Although i would love to say this, virginity is not a disorder or an abnormality. I hate to see how young girls and boys have been deceived to think that being a virgin is the worst thing that can ever happen. It worsens at puberty when peer pressure crops in. Virginity is a state of purity. Purity here means clean, untouched, not tampered with. It is a state of honor and self respect. This is the right way to view virginity and not all the stereotypes making rounds.

When you have sex with someone for the first time its called losing your virginity. Note the word loose. Think about this, if you know that you are going to lose something, would you even think of putting your time, resources and energy in it? Rather if am gonna lose money investing in a business,why invest in it? It is the same thing when we come to matters of sex. If you going to lose your virginity,why lose it to some idiot who does not deserve it. Someone who is out to just use you and leave you for the next available prey. I am the old fashion kind of girl, I believe in fairy tales.

Think of this analogy, if I am thinking of using money because I am throwing a surprise birthday party for my mom,dad or really good friend, its worth it because i make them happy. I get to see this priceless smile on their faces. I get to leave a lasting impression on the people i love and care about. If you plan on having sex, why not keep it for this one man who will treasure and respect you all your life. Why not wait to make a lasting impression on the one person you will love over and over till you both grow old.

Sex is not a game, it is not a bet. Nobody ever dies because they abstained until marriage. We must treat our sexuality with so much respect. We must hold it in high esteem. God created sex, it is a good thing as long as it is done under the right circumstances that is marriage. I leave you with this, do not lose your sexual dignity to a random passer by.  Engage in sex with the only person who matters. Your husband. Sex is an investment not a game.
Thanks for your attention ladies and gentlemen. Share with others too. I feel compelled to do a part 2 on this. So look out for it. Keep safe and God bless you.

Before i forget help me wish a really good friend of mine a Happy Birthday… Happy Birthday Brian Gachiri. God keep you, sustain you and increase you. This is your season of outpouring. Am so proud of you. Lots of Love

Upholding Dignity- Ladies Edition.

Arlene Ayirah

dignity

Today’s piece is going to touch on some of those things we do not like to be told. Before I share more on our topic today, let us first define dignity. Dignity in general terms is a quality or state of being found worthy, being honored or being esteemed. It comes with a title of nobility. From this definition it is clear that our actions and character is what qualifies us to be termed as dignified or not.  I was watching something on TV and a young woman, physically beautiful said she has been single for long enough and she is tired of being that way. She just wants a man and is ready to settle with just about anything that is available. She says she had a standard that she wanted, but every time she finds a man with the qualities she wants, he’s either married or in a serious relationship. To be honest I felt so bad for this lady and it reminded me of my close friends even who have settled for men they really did not want or deserve.

First of all I need you all ladies to know that as long as you are where you are supposed to be, the right man will somehow find his way to you. Note that I used the word find. As a lady it is not your job to go hunting. Sit back and wait for your man to come walking through the door. As long as you value and treasure yourself, the man for you will seek you and find you. My point therefore is divine positioning. For example, if God has called you to serve as an usher in your church, you ought to diligently serve at that capacity. Uphold your office with integrity and honor. Then when the time is right, God always plants the man right where he should be.

Also, I am going to need you to understand that a man should not be something you look forward to so much. The reason am saying this is because, God would want to build you for Himself. You belong to God first before you belong to any man. A man should not be viewed as that person who comes to complete the world of a woman, but rather should be viewed as a bonus. This way, you are more focused on fulfilling what God wants than waiting for a man. Please don’t get me wrong, having a man is a beautiful thing. I just want to draw the line between waiting upon the Lord and desperation. Am certain many may find this whole waiting upon the Lord Thing boring or cliché. But truth is, it’s the only sure way to have exactly what is meant for you. The one thing that you will not regret about.

Ladies one of the best virtues you can ever have apart from fearing the Lord is being patient. I know it can be hard to wait but the beauty of it all is when the waiting pays off. We all at some point look forward to have that one person to share our lives with, but what if we rush and end up with someone we were not meant to be with. So ladies learn to be patient. It’s not funny or easy but it’s the best thing you can ever do for yourself.

I would like to touch on something that we ladies may fall for over and over. If you are a lady and have dated different guys before, you tend to realize that you may have broken up with them for almost the same or related reasons. Every person has a type they attract. It doesn’t mean you are loser so calm down. My point of concern is this, why do we at times stoop so low and decide to overlook serious things that we are not comfortable with just to keep the man. For instance, some ladies may choose to stay in an abusive relationship even when their lives are at risk and claim that they love the guy.
When you value yourself and find yourself to be honorable, the best thing is to leave and move on. It sounds easy but it’s not especially when emotions are involved. Dignity is when you love yourself enough and choose to walk out of any circumstance that conflicts what you believe in. Walking out is not being weak, its valuing yourself and respecting yourself. Walking out sometimes is the best thing to do for yourself. The better option to avoid wrong relationships again is to be patient. I cannot stress this enough.

A friend of mine Winnie Omollo whom I love to call Osiep shared something that I want to put here too. “The right attention from the wrong person during the time when you are lonely or low can fool you into thinking they might be the one. Guard your heart.” This statement is so true. Therefore think about this and choose to respect yourself enough so that you do not end up kissing many frogs before you find your prince. I love talking to ladies so feel free to comment about today’s topic. I hope you learnt a thing or two.

#feel empowered ladies