Upholding Dignity- Ladies Edition.

Arlene Ayirah

dignity

Today’s piece is going to touch on some of those things we do not like to be told. Before I share more on our topic today, let us first define dignity. Dignity in general terms is a quality or state of being found worthy, being honored or being esteemed. It comes with a title of nobility. From this definition it is clear that our actions and character is what qualifies us to be termed as dignified or not.  I was watching something on TV and a young woman, physically beautiful said she has been single for long enough and she is tired of being that way. She just wants a man and is ready to settle with just about anything that is available. She says she had a standard that she wanted, but every time she finds a man with the qualities she wants, he’s either married or in a serious relationship. To be honest I felt so bad for this lady and it reminded me of my close friends even who have settled for men they really did not want or deserve.

First of all I need you all ladies to know that as long as you are where you are supposed to be, the right man will somehow find his way to you. Note that I used the word find. As a lady it is not your job to go hunting. Sit back and wait for your man to come walking through the door. As long as you value and treasure yourself, the man for you will seek you and find you. My point therefore is divine positioning. For example, if God has called you to serve as an usher in your church, you ought to diligently serve at that capacity. Uphold your office with integrity and honor. Then when the time is right, God always plants the man right where he should be.

Also, I am going to need you to understand that a man should not be something you look forward to so much. The reason am saying this is because, God would want to build you for Himself. You belong to God first before you belong to any man. A man should not be viewed as that person who comes to complete the world of a woman, but rather should be viewed as a bonus. This way, you are more focused on fulfilling what God wants than waiting for a man. Please don’t get me wrong, having a man is a beautiful thing. I just want to draw the line between waiting upon the Lord and desperation. Am certain many may find this whole waiting upon the Lord Thing boring or cliché. But truth is, it’s the only sure way to have exactly what is meant for you. The one thing that you will not regret about.

Ladies one of the best virtues you can ever have apart from fearing the Lord is being patient. I know it can be hard to wait but the beauty of it all is when the waiting pays off. We all at some point look forward to have that one person to share our lives with, but what if we rush and end up with someone we were not meant to be with. So ladies learn to be patient. It’s not funny or easy but it’s the best thing you can ever do for yourself.

I would like to touch on something that we ladies may fall for over and over. If you are a lady and have dated different guys before, you tend to realize that you may have broken up with them for almost the same or related reasons. Every person has a type they attract. It doesn’t mean you are loser so calm down. My point of concern is this, why do we at times stoop so low and decide to overlook serious things that we are not comfortable with just to keep the man. For instance, some ladies may choose to stay in an abusive relationship even when their lives are at risk and claim that they love the guy.
When you value yourself and find yourself to be honorable, the best thing is to leave and move on. It sounds easy but it’s not especially when emotions are involved. Dignity is when you love yourself enough and choose to walk out of any circumstance that conflicts what you believe in. Walking out is not being weak, its valuing yourself and respecting yourself. Walking out sometimes is the best thing to do for yourself. The better option to avoid wrong relationships again is to be patient. I cannot stress this enough.

A friend of mine Winnie Omollo whom I love to call Osiep shared something that I want to put here too. “The right attention from the wrong person during the time when you are lonely or low can fool you into thinking they might be the one. Guard your heart.” This statement is so true. Therefore think about this and choose to respect yourself enough so that you do not end up kissing many frogs before you find your prince. I love talking to ladies so feel free to comment about today’s topic. I hope you learnt a thing or two.

#feel empowered ladies

The Five Languages of Love

Arlene Ayirah

5-love-languages

I don’t know why but am so much enticed by this phrase love languages. Beforehand I did not know how one could communicate different things without even speaking a word just by the way they act. Of cause if you come from a community such as mine, there is a way your mom will look at you and before she can say a word, you know exactly what you need to do.  What I want to talk about today should help us know what to do, how to do it and the importance of doing it. I want us to understand the five different love languages and how to balance them so we can have effective relationship.

First off we have Acts of Service. This is when you take time to do something for your partner that you know he or she would love you to do. It could be something as complicated as cooking the hardest meal you can think of or as simple as emptying the dish washer. Acts of service simply seek to please our spouses by serving them. In this particular category actions speak louder than one thousand words said in a minute.

Second, we have Giving Gifts. Giving is a spirit of love. A good illustration could be how God gave us Christ because He loved the world…John 3:16. Another example closer to us is, when we give our friends or family birthday gifts or Christmas gifts as a way to show them or remind them how much they mean to us. A relationship has the same thing. If your partner’s main language of love is receiving gifts, then you ought to go out of your way to get him or her a gift, no matter how small. Giving a gift shows that you were thinking about this person. That you care enough to get him or her something you think she would love. Honestly it really doesn’t have to cost much.

The third love language is Quality Time. This involves giving your undivided attention to your partner. It means taking time away from everything else just to spend time with the one person you intend to spend the rest of your life with. When we talk of undivided, it is exactly that. Switch off your phone, take the children to their grandma that day, and switch off your TV. The same way you take time to pray, to study the word of God, to do your assignment, to do your make up or even to watch news or your favorite TV series, is the same way you should give time to your partner. We all have 24hours a day not more or less so time has to be found.

The fourth language of love is Words of Affirmation. This is when you constantly or often remind your partner how you feel about them. Loving on them with your words. No matter what you do for your partner, if the main language they understand is words of affirmation, you going to have to tell them over and over. You cannot assume that it is obvious. It is important to open up and express how you feel in words. In proverbs 18:21 the bible tells us about the power of life and death being in our tongues. When we speak out how we feel to the one we love, it is like giving life to your relationship. When you stop affirming your partner, you realize that the love may even begin to die on one side. Telling someone you love them is not corny or mushy. It’s speaking life to that relationship.

The fifth language is Physical Touch. It is general knowledge that physical touch is a way of communicating your emotions to someone. It is true that we all have been brought up differently and that is why you may find people saying they do not like PDA (Public Display of Affection). Truth be told it could be hard if one person is uncomfortable with touching while another is. Am glad these are things we can learn. So as long as physical touch will speak volumes to your partner, then you have to go out of your way to learn and adapt so you can sustain a healthy relationship. It doesn’t have to be complicated. My personal conviction is that this applies more to the married people. Touching is a sensitive matter so it has to be done under the right circumstances lest you get your heart broken.

We must understand that different people have different needs for different things and hence, they may differ in terms of what love languages each person prefers. In order for a healthy relationship to exist partners must go out of their way to know what each one prefers and in what order. You may wonder, how do I know? This is how… you need to observe how your partner expresses love to others, find out what they complain about most, and what they request from their significant other the most. It has been discovered that in many cases, people tend to naturally express love in the way that they prefer to receive love. When you get to know what your partner wants then you can show love exactly how they need you to.

All these love languages of love when done, should be done willingly. When done so, then they really come out as expressions of love and with the right intentions. Therefore we should not only strive to express love to our partners just to make them happy but also to give with a willing and positive spirit.
You realize that relationships are not as easy as we may think. It requires that a person be mature and prepared both emotionally and mentally. So before you can commit to anyone be ready to go out of your way, to work so hard so that your relationship can stand the test of time.

I hope you learnt something today. Most reference of this article today came from a book The Five Love Languages- The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. This book is a great read. Also my very good friend Grace John was a big help. Thank you.
 

Forgiveness

Arlene Ayirah

leo-blog

Hello everybody. I trust you are fine,the Lord has kept you. Today i want to talk about something a little different. Of cause I will touch about our relationships here and there but mostly I want to dwell on more of our souls. The person that we all are made of.

Am sure we all have wronged or wronged someone, no matter how big or small. I want you to imagine, the worst thing someone has ever done to you. One thing you think or feel you can never forgive. Hope you have something in your mind…hold that thought and after am done you make a choice whether to forgive or not.

Forgiveness first of all is not and should not be a struggle. My personal definition of forgiveness is…a deliberate choice to let go of someone who has hurt you or offended you, and choose to love them at that point where they hurt you most. This is the true test of love. When you love someone, anyone. Could be your family member, friend or spouse, it is easy to love them when all they do is make you happy. But when everything is up side down, when they hurt, annoy or oppress you, do we love them as much. Do we struggle to love them? The real test of love is not when it is easy, its when it is hard.

It took me a while to learn how to forgive others. I always thought I was justified to withhold “my forgiveness”. God had to take me through a series of experiences where I was now the one who was wrong and I needed to be forgiven. I kept asking people to forgive me and when they declined, it was really hard for me to understand why they were not willing to forgive. Then the Lord started reminding me about how I refused to forgive. Then He began to teach me about forgiveness. We do not own forgiveness. We cannot say this is my forgiveness am giving it to this one, but to this other person I will not give. Forgiveness is a gift from God. He gives the ability to forgive. When we forgive we simply are sharing a nature of God.

Forgiveness is an action that works for your good. When you forgive it works for you more than you think. This action makes you lighter at heart. When you do not forgive, it is the same as carrying a stale egg in your bag. It stinks but then you insist on carrying it and when you do, then you have no choice but to bear the consequences. When really all you have to do is get rid of the rotten egg by deliberately choosing to throw it away. When you forgive you set yourself free from carrying burdens. Most times, the person who has wronged you has no idea, or is very comfortable living his or her life.

Offering forgiveness also is a sign of maturity. Both in character and spiritually. Remember when Jesus was at the cross, He had so many reasons to refuse to die in our place. He was insulted, hurt, abused and humiliated. But what did He say, “Forgive them for they do not know what they are doing” This for me was the greatest sign of maturity and love. The moment you have a bigger picture of things, you have no issue forgiving others. You begin to count it all joy because you see the impact of what you are doing from a bigger perspective. Holding grudges for me is actually a childish thing to do. True measure of maturity is choosing to let go of that one thing that has hurt you the most.

So am sure you are wondering, how do I forgive this person, they hurt me a lot, I was broken because of what he or she did. Here is one way that worked for me. I took a book and pen. On one page i wrote down all the things and people i felt had hurt me. On another page I wrote all the things I thought I had done wrong. (of cause the lists were long and I probably did not write everything) Then  I realized I has too many staleness in my heart. I decided to start clearing them out one after the other. Truth be told it was not easy. So I would pray and tell God, that it is true I find it hard to forgive this person but I forgive him or her by faith. I asked God to fill me with love for them and within a short time it was clear I was changing. I was no longer resentful to those who hurt me. The best part is that people I hurt began to forgive me too. Am not saying it gets easier, am saying you get stronger.

In the Lords prayer, we are told to forgive others so God can forgive us. If God was to punish us every time we do wrong am not too sure we would sustain His wrath. Therefore, we should become an example as the body of Christ. We could pretend to be Holy and Righteous all we want, but truth is, if we do not reflect the nature of God, it is all null and void. You may wonder, What is this nature of God. It is love. God is Love. When we express this to others, unforgiveness will not be part of us.

I may have so much to say, but I will leave it at that for now. Please feel free to add more on this topic at the comments slot. Let us have a discussion so we may help each other to have clean hearts with no baggage whatsoever.
Thank you for taking your time to read. I highly appreciate. Be blessed.

Friends And Weddings

Arlene Ayirah

pico

It just dawned on me that many people are getting married. For me it’s a revelation in two dimensions. One is that relationships of men and women of God are working out no wonder the many weddings. People are going all the way in. Second part of this amazing revelation is that,my days are coming closer as well ( I share this joke with my friend Diana Wanja) that if it counts as a joke. I once upon a time got involved in a bridal shower. I didn’t even know things like this exist. I thought this was only for babies. So friends of the bride went out of their way to see to it that this lady gets some really amazing stuff for her new life. Also another friend is having a wedding in a few months and people are all out making arrangements of that big day. Dowry payments and all these things.

What struck me in this particular one is that friends to the bride took time to pray and seek the face of God in this marriage. It was such a serious affair the Lord came down on them and ministered to them in a great way. That’s when I realized how much impact this group of friends were already having in the lives of this couple.

Many a times we have seen very glamorous weddings. Things that have never been seen or heard. We have seen people go all out to have a memorable wedding. Some of these big fat weddings, when you research, you discover that most ended badly. We are not out to have many weddings happening among brethren. No… not at all. We are more into lasting marriages. Its not about the big wedding, its about having a working and lasting relationship after the wedding. I heard this from a movie- Baggage Claim, the magic is not in getting married, its in staying married. The real test is not pulling off a really amazing event or show on your wedding its getting into a marriage that speaks God all the way. If you focus on having a glamorous wedding and not an authentic foundational relationship, all there will be to remember is the show you put on your wedding and nothing more. All you get is attention and after a short while, you will be forgotten because another couple will come and pull even a better show. Strive to make your relationship one that will stand out, because the Lord is your number fan and not because of any other reason. Anything else is secondary.

The moment you let a friend in on your relationship, just know they will always be involved somehow. That’s why it is important to only open doors for the very necessary, experienced and mature people in your relationship. Once someone feels that they have a say in your relationship, they will invite themselves even when their opinion is not really needed or necessary.

A great place to begin from would be, if you want to involve someone in your relationship, have a power couple that you look up to. A power couple should be people you look up to in ways more than one, either spiritually or relationship wise. They have to be mature than you or in other words, they need to be more experienced in that particular field. A power couple are mentors. They walk with you through it all. Thick and thin. When planning for your wedding or a major thing in your relationship, they become very instrumental and helpful. Imagine a person who has never had a child telling you how to raise yours… doesn’t make sense to me.
Basically, my point is, there is an event and a lifetime, a reality. The event may have so many things and people but the reality only involves the core. The people who get the real test are those who are actively involved in that relationship. Come to think of it, weddings normally have so many people, of these people you find those who are really happy for, those who came to get something to talk about, and others just came to pass time. Invest in what matters.

I have heard of so many weddings coming up. I hope a couple will get to read this and gain a little knowledge as they plan to start a life together. Thanks for taking time to read this today. It’s my prayer you got to learn something.

Wishing all those who are getting married a happy life and may the good Lord be the head of your marriage. May you never have regrets and may you have a marriage that will work and that which many people will look up to. CONGRATULATIONS.

 

 

 

Who Is A Wise Man?

Arlene Ayirah

blog-things

Hey guys, am so sorry for not posting for over two months now. I have had a small problem accessing some raw material and resources. This is me, actually trying to explain myself. I am sorry to you all who looked forward to any piece of my work and was disappointed. Am back now, will work hard enough to make sure the daily posting resumes.

Last time I posted, I wrote about identifying and being a wise woman. Today I want to shed a little light about becoming a wise man. Am not a man so I may totally not know the exactness of what a man is composed of, but I know the standards set by God for a man and that is what I will use as my bench mark.

When I look at men in our society today it leaves me thinking, where did we all go wrong? What can we do to make the situation around us better? In as much as i ask these questions, I do realize that there are some good men out there. Men who are after doing well to God and to the society. Men who are sober and out to do a noble task to the world around them. But why is it that these men are countable. I wish the good men outnumbered the not so good ones.
Men you were created to lead. The moment you perceive yourself as a leader then you begin to place yourself on a leadership stance. You begin to give direction with grace and authority. You seriously begin to carry yourself with honor and dignity because of the office of leadership that you are in.

For me, a wise man is one who takes the lead in everything they put their hands on. In a relationship for instance, when a man knows what he wants, it becomes easier for the woman to follow and to be the helper she is required to be. It’s even easier for the woman to submit to a man who understands what he is called to become and is actually working towards that. If a man refuses to lead, it causes the woman to step up and begin to lead and most times, it ends badly. Women are more of enforcers of what is already in existence. So men, purpose to be the leaders that you already are.

Second, a wise man listens. Women are more of emotional beings. They love to be listened to, they love to be assured. When a woman says something like, “I have never been to the Masai Mara for holiday” she is trying to express a wish. Sometimes she needs a vacation not necessarily to the Masai Mara but somewhere as good. If you are a man, you need to pay attention to the little things that women say. You ought to read between the lines and become what your partner needs you to be for them at that moment and season.

Third, men should make a deliberate choice to be the best partners to their loved one. What do I mean? I understand that men can be so unaware of what is happening around them and miss on some special moments of their partner. It’s so commendable when a man goes out of their way to remember some of the little things and to do the little things that actually matter. The small expressions of love are what mostly catch the attention of the ladies.

Lastly, the bible in 1st Peter 3:1-7  Tells men to love their wives just as Christ loved the church. Men, it is entirely your business to show love. You need to make sure that all your efforts at loving your partner is felt and leaves a remarkable impact. Do something that will make someone say, this man indeed loves this lady. It doesn’t have to involve much. Be thoughtful, be kind, be protective, be concerned and show love every minute you can. I leave you with this, if all men take their place in the society, women and children too will begin to play their roles as well and the end result will be a whole upright society made of sane and morally upright people.

Am sure there is so much more to a wise man which I invite you to post on your comments.

Hope you learnt something, am glad to be back to share with you all. Be blessed. Keep reading, like, comment and share widely.

#cheers

Who is a Wise Woman

Arlene Ayirah

It’s a new year and I hope you all crossed to 2017 with joy and expectations to see more of God. I want to start of this year with sharing about who a Wise Woman is. We all know that the world has set different standards pertaining who a Wise Woman is. Some are really absurd and unrealistic but I want us to look at the only standards that matter. These are the standards of God. 

I may not be able to fully quote the Bible considering this is a blog, but I will highlight a few verses for us to ponder on. First off, Proverbs 2:16, Proverbs 5:3 & Proverbs 6:24 highlight what the tongue does. Here we see that when our ears heed to the flattery words of a strange woman then we are preparing ourselves for trouble or failure. A wise woman is careful what she says, when she says it and to whom she says it to.  

We then see Proverbs 14:1 explaining about how a wise woman chooses to build a home but a foolish one destroys it with her bare hands. This tells me that a wise woman is equipped with knowledge on how to build her home. She makes decisions that build and not break. In Proverbs 21:9 and Proverbs 21:19 we are warned against being nagging women. A nagging woman deprives her husband and family from peace because she’s always complaining about something, big or small.  

From these few verses I pick up three things that should stand out in every woman who is looking to be termed as a wise woman. First of all she must have ability to think. She must be intelligent. Thinking is an act of the mind that produces results. We cannot touch thinking but we can see what you think about from the results you produce. How you carry yourself portrays what is in bewteen your ears. So a wise woman must think, and not just think but think right.  

Secondly, a wise woman must be able to show respect to all people. Respect is honouring people around you. It may be in different ways depending on one’s resources. Bottom line is, she must show honour and respect to people around her. This way she attracts. She gains favour. 

Three, she must have ability to hold together. When everything else is crumbling a wise woman must be able to keep things together. She acts different. She is not ordinary. She is not like any other. She must be different. When common sense fails,somehow she comes up with a solutions. That is wise woman. She does not spend time complaining about situations or her problems, rather she seeks the face of God. She trusts God to make her better,stronger and victorious. 

When I first read proverbs 31 I asked myself, where can such a super woman be found? And over time, I realized that this woman is inside of me. She is inside of you. All you have to do is cultivate her and bring her to the open. Proverbs 31:30 says that “Favour is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who feareth the LORD, shall be praised. “So finally to make ourselves better women we must fear the Lord. Fearing the Lord is being able to selflessly live for God and trust Him completely to make us and improve us. 

I leave you with this quote, “men don’t follow titles they follow courage” Women have the courage to become wise and you shall be favoured. 

Opening Up About Relationship Status. 

Arlene Ayirah 

Alright, you are now dating and well, you probably are having one of the best times in your life.  Whom do you tell that you are dating. Ladies more often fall into the category or telling anyone who cares to listen. Many times guys prefer to just keep the information to themselves. 

It’s important to note that not everyone we hang out with should know everything about us. A good friend of mine Charles Arnold taught me about friendship and he says there are people in 3 main categories. He talks of comrades who are more like acquaintances. They know you and you know them. Second we have the             Constituents who are there because of what you do.Most times you have the same abilities and you are in the same line of calling so they are around for what they can get from you to grow their purpose. Lastly we have the Confidants who are with you for who you are.They want to be part of your vision as it unfolds by investing in you.

First of all you must understand that the moment you tell someone about your relationship it becomes vulnerable to attack. Sometimes not everyone is happy for you and they may begin to do and say things that may jeopardize your relationship.  It may seem like a harmless “I think you deserve better” Therefore from the three categories of people in your life you very well known whom to open up to. Telling the wrong people the right things is dangerous. You may end up giving up your birth right just like Esau did to Jacob.  

Even when you are investing in a friendship that may lead to possible dating, it’s very important to protect this young development from any possible attack.  It’s like, when a hen has chicks, she protects them from any possible danger including it’s owner.  This is because the chicks have no strength to take care of themselves. It’s the same with our relationships. Sometimes we need to learn on our own the true personality of the people we are involved with. It’s important to realize their full potential, their weaknesses and their strength. This helps us to build a strong foundation so that other people become irrelevant as far as a healthy relationship is concerned. You do not count on what other people think, but rather you are able to make your own judgements. 

Also note that for a relationship it is important to have a mentor couple to walk with us. A mentor couple is usually a couple who are older than you are and have a working relationship. They help guide you into the best decisions concerning your dating life.  A mentor couple should also be people you admire and look up to.  This way you learn as much as you can from them and you find a motivation to become better. 

So our main lesson today is to choose our friends wisely and protect them from any possible harm. Note that you can’t have too many confidants. They are normally few and stick close. Closer than  a brother.